I'm tired. No, exhausted
My blood pressure is at 96/58. When I got out of bed this morning I almost passed out. 96/58 was after lunch and after a cup of black tea.
I had a long involved relatively calm conversation with bf yesterday. I could be emotionally and mentally worn out I suppose. The conversation was relatively one sided for the first half while bf more or less went off on the facebook subject. He thinks I'm addicted and losing sight of reality. Fact is fb is my cover. I keep it up so that if I'm writing my blog entry or browsing blogs or my stat counter he can't see those. I've started keeping my headphones on and youtube up now too but he concentrates on fb.
The stupid television talks about fb addictions. What I tried to explain to him is that I go through periods when I'm not feeling social, when I'd rather not do things with other people, when I just want to climb into my shell and be a hermit crab. He doesn't understand that. He's an extremely social person and would love to have people in the house 24/7. I like being social, but I LOVE my space. I love spending time on my own, listening to music, hanging out on the internet, painting, reading a book, drawing or playing stupid video games. There are moments when I can't stand being in the house and other times when I can't stand being with people.
He went off on tangents about what fb is and what it does to you and well, fact is that he doesn't have a fb page and has no idea how it works. I patiently listened to him, told him that certain things that he'd said were right while others were wrong and I proceeded to show him my fb profile and whatever else was on the wall.
The point though is that he sees things from the wrong angle. He sees me engrossed in fb thinking that it's the fb that's keeping me there, rather than think that there's something wrong at home that pushes me to isolate myself.
I sort of told him that. I told him that he was looking at it from the wrong angle. I think, though, that I will try to explain that better to him.
I keep cycling through the same motions and thoughts and feelings. I don't see any solutions other than getting my own place. I can't keep cycling through like this. I need a solution. I need that push though to do it. Take the step, the leap of faith... get the courage or whatever other cliche you want to use. It's too bad bf isn't in favour of me getting my own place. He'd be the perfect motivator. He's good at convincing me to do things.