Friday, July 6, 2012

What's on my Nerves?

People are weird. That's something I repeat often. I don't know how else to see things these days.

Remember the suicide freak out I had with that guy's blog? Well after the scare was over I decided to let him know subtly through FB that I was reading it by liking the post where he publicly mentioned he was writing there again. (I think he forgot I had the address, and no-one else he knows has it as far as I can tell).

After a while he came out with a post asking a question on his future and what to do. I wrote a simple three or four worded answer.

A few days later I noticed an answer, an affirmative one, acknowledging the answer as correct. But then after a few more days the blog disappeared. Actually it got converted for some more fluff stuff of his. I felt kind of ridiculous. I felt rather embarrassed. What's done is done though.

He hasn't blocked me from FB he has two accounts on there and they are both still active and I'm still receiving info on them both.

I'm not really sure what to think, but I try not to think about it.


Today was a normal day. bf and I were on good terms until this afternoon. I probably exaggerated with a comment to him, it was meant as a joke but he took it a little too seriously. Then he went and said a couple phrases that just pissed me off. They were (in my opinion) unreasonably harsh, ok so maybe they weren't harsh but they were mildly insulting and said with such a mean tone that something in me just snapped.  I avoided saying any more right then apart from mumbling to myself. 

I know this state, it's not going to go away. I'm going to end up giving him the cold shoulder for the next while until he asks me what's wrong. 

Even now I barely remember what he said to me.... the only sentence I remember was a sort of idiomatic phrase which alluded to me being an idiot. My remembering his words would be crucial in explaining things later.

The conversation is always the same when we do discuss these situations. He'll say that he was just responding to what I had said, defending himself, I'll say that he exaggerated. He'll say that I was already stressed so I took it harder than I should have. But the subtle insults that were uttered wouldn't have gone unnoticed even had I been in a good mood... which I happened to be. 

It's annoying how much it affects me. I wish I could just ignore it, move past it, forgive and forget. It just doesn't work with me though, my mind just keeps ruminating I guess. 

I had to text him last night around 11:30pm to ask him something about work. He made a joke about something one of the women we worked with had said and answered my question. The conversation lasted a few passages, including one where he asked me what I was up to. 

The texts were long and relatively elaborate. It was the first "social" interaction we've had outside work. He was not with his girlfriend, he was working late on a project. 

His texts were extremely friendly but nothing I'd call flirty. Nothing like our last interaction via txt. But it struck me as odd considering when I usually text him he is very brief in his answers, if he answers (because often he doesn't) and rarely asks about me or chats. 

It was somewhat a relief, it proves that he still considers me at least a friend.

I have been feeling quite frustrated lately because I find it difficult to maintain friendships with men. I have always been the type of woman who prefers men to women for friends. And lately I can't seem to do that. Bf seems to get irked if I talk about guys that I get along with. 

One more reason to get more space.


Ebony Panther said...

I thought you were getting your own space. Did that get delayed?

Cande said...

Yeah, but I'm working on it. I live in a country where nothing is as simple as it seems. But it's getting there.... hopefully soon. Like September.

Ebony Panther said...

That would be good for you, I think. I think you'll discover a whole new side of you when you're able to do what you want when you want.