Yesterday as a total fluke I caught Rob online. Bf is now working one weekday per week apart from the usual weekends. I'd caught Rob on Sunday and wasn't expecting to catch him online again so soon. I was just getting some stuff done on the computer and was finishing a telephone call. I was literally going to hang up and text him to let him know I was on when I got his IM.
The conversation lasted quite a while. It was, yet again, a mix of random things, including another question as to when I'd be coming over. Just the thought of it, even now, makes me wet. I told him quite honestly that I didn't know but probably in 2013. We joked about the impossibility of him ever coming here, although as he said he'd like to.
One other thing in the conversation stood out for me (apart from his hard cock at the end). He asked me if we should set a cut off date for our "relationship". When I asked why, he simply said "we need to grow up". Then he suggested 40, so I said "but that's just 5 years from now!". He's 38, it would only be 2 years for him as he quickly pointed out.
Whether he was joking or not is still a mystery to me. I don't think that he meant it seriously, but I think part of him does want to get over me. That's not the right term though. He wants to forget about me might be better. It's not the first time he's brought it up. He brought it up in Birmingham even. The first day we were together there.
There is a part of me that agrees with him, I doubt this thing can go on forever. I'd hate to have to set a cut off date though. It's too.... terminal, too traumatic... too difficult.
I was going to say (but didn't) that we'll cut it off if things don't work out with bf and I after I move, or if I ever get a new bf, but that would be rather selfish of me.
When I sit to think about it I just want to whine and say I don't want it to end.... ever, but that's not practical, is it? Then again love generally isn't practical in its own right.
There is a stupid devil that sits on my shoulder and makes a minor part of me want him to break up with his gf so that I could have him for myself. I know that's not going to happen. I have always promised myself (and him) that I'd never expect that from him. I'm not like that. I want what's best for him as well as myself, but that doesn't stop some part of my heart from wanting it.
It's a bit like something he told me a while back; that there was a part of him that didn't want me to break with my bf because it would mean me finding someone better and then he'd lose me.
I've always said to myself that I'd never get involved with a married man, and here I am basically in that position. And I know, only rarely do they ever leave their wives. I guess this is why women fall for married men.
There never really is that definite no in your heart.
No matter what, you'll always hope.