I need to get something straight: I have been with the same guy for over 10 years. He's Italian. I kinda ended up living with him by chance. It wasn't really a choice. We had a scary, hellish first year, but we learned to love each other, like an arranged marriage. There are times when I think to myself that I love him, I can't live without him. Other times when I jut wish he'd disappear.
The sex is good when we have it. It's very traditional most of the time. But I love a little pain. I like the thrill of being tied up, being teased. And he doesn't give that to me.
I find myself looking at other guys. I fantasize about other men. I have cheated on my man. With an old flame from Canada.
I feel like I'm running out of time for this kind of thing.
Do I feel guilty?
Should I go ahead with fantasies?
Will I go ahead with my fantasies?
Probably at some point.