Saturday, January 19, 2013
I think she felt like she got it all wrong. The counsellor's hands went to her hair when I told her that I had kept bf in the dark about the apartment hunt.
We talked, it was semi-useful, but I didn't get what I went for really. Or maybe I did and I just don't see it yet.
I was expecting advice in how to proceed with the bf. She did give me a lot of advice but it was, in my humble opinion, all wrong. She told me to simulate my decision making process all over again but verbally with bf. So to tell him that I'm thinking about getting a place, then after a while tell him that I'm going to look at some places, then tell him that I've found a place after another while...
Doesn't make sense to me, I might have just as well done that from the beginning, I can't rightly simulate it all now.
No, I think I'll just have to out it plain and simple.
She did give me some good pointers though. She said it's important that I keep the conversation focused on me and my stuff, to keep blame out of it completely, if anything is said regarding bf it should be positive and praising. She was adamant that I tell him I have friends and family supporting me and helping me, so that he doesn't feel the urge or possibility to help. She said that his need to help me is a control tactic. I didn't realize that but now that she mentions it, it makes sense. (I give in to that a lot, I possibly (probably) put that out as well, in that I look for men who want to help).
She also said that I have unconsciously adapted to bf and the silent choices he has made for himself. I never really harped on him to get a better job or to get more financial stability to buy a house or anything like that (apparently most Italian women would have). I could use that to my favor and tell him that he will need to adapt to my needs right now. Or rather that I need to concentrate on what I want out of my life.
She was helpful regarding the agency too, she said that if I'm really interested in the apartment to call them and tell them that outright and tell them that I'll bring the money by soon.
So I guess that's the plan.
Call the agency and let them know without paying immediately.
Within the next couple of days I'll tell him.
It is going to take some time I think. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to manage it, but I will.