Sunday, January 27, 2013

The Conversations and Office guy news.

It was a rough but bearable week.

Bf and I did a lot of talking. We talked about fidelity and we talked about our sex life. We talked about future plans and his ideas for the near future. It was interesting, and we've been getting along very well these days.

He has made up his mind that I need to do this, I need to live on my own. He also said that once I've gotten my bearings then maybe we can take steps forward again.

We talked about our minimal sex life and the reasons why there is some lack of energy on both our parts to make things work. He also talked about guys he knows who cheat on their wives, prostitutes or lovers, most guys seem to cheat, but he says he's of the old standard and would never do that to me. I did say though that if he had cheated on me that I wouldn't blame him, but that I'd probably be upset. He, on the other hand said he wouldn't be able to handle the news of me cheating on him.

I did ask him outright if he had someone else. I told him that, for a long time, I knew he hadn't had anyone else but that recently I thought that he might have found someone. He denied it. He didn't ask me outright if I had someone else.

He said that if I hadn't said anything about moving out he might have asked if I wanted to take a 6 month sabbatical to travel. He isn't convinced he wants to stay in this country, so by travelling he might find some place he likes more.

During the first conversation we had he even cried, though he tried not to let me notice. But he admitted that he had always been more worried about costs and saving money than our happiness together. He said that he realized how things may have been different had we had a bigger place where I could work and do my own thing in a separate part of the house. His fear of spending the extra cash kept us from that.

We went to an office the day I got told about the apartment possibly falling through. We talked to the lawyer about our contract and what we would have to do if one or the other moved out but bf also asked about this new system they have here. They have these construction co-ops that build and then rent or lease to own at very reasonable prices and since you don't directly deal with the banks the rates are much better than normal mortgages and rents. It's worth looking into, however I'm a little worried that bf is looking for alternatives to me moving out. I'm still sure I want to move out.


OK so totally off topic. I left my email address for Office Guy... He'll see it tomorrow morning unless I get cold feet and take it down this evening.


Advizor54 said...

I don't want to say that this new found getting along is a trap, but unless something fundamental changes, the motivations still seem the same for moving out. It's like when you want to leave a job but the boss throws more money at you, the money is nice but the reasons for leaving haven't changed.

The money issue is hard to deal with. If he's been stifling the relationship just to save a few bucks, that's pretty selfish. If he needs to travel, let him travel, just make him pay 1/2 of the rent so you can stay where you are. Let him be the one to go. That's a new option.

cammies on the floor said...

Advizor is correct, you still want to leave. But you seem to stand firm that you still want to move. I'm glad that you two are talking well about things.