Sunday, May 10, 2015

What next?

Who are you sleeping with?

Would I stay with the bf if I found out he's cheated on me? Would I forgive him? Would I turn things around myself and make another serious go of our relationship? 

We had a discussion the other day. It was about sex and the lack thereof. He blames me. Maybe it's true. It doesn't feel true but maybe it is. 

We've had this discussion before, and the ugly part is he brings up sleeping with other women each time. Both prostitutes and simply other women. I don't think it's fair. He asks me what I'd do if he were sleeping with someone. Or he says that all sorts of men can't go a week without sex and would resort to a prostitute. 

It feels like threats. Or maybe he's testing the water to see what would happen if he admitted it. 

I feel, right now, that I don't trust him. I feel like he's sleeping with others and maybe it's been the case for a long time. Possibly longer than my thing with Rob. 
It's a gut feeling tightly connected to the fact that he mentioned it. And to the fact that he's been shaving his cock and pits for 2 years. If we aren't having sex, or only rarely, why shave? And why even start now? 

This fear of him having been with others scares me out of having sex with him too.  The thought of not knowing where his cock has been scares me. 

Maybe I'm projecting though. Entirely possible. 

I also feel somewhat justified for not engaging in sex with him... A woman's logic is a spectacular thing....I feel like since he refused to even consider a family with me that sex and our relationship can be on my back burner. Why should I invest energy if he won't. 

Do I expect too much? Probably. And my logic isn't exactly sound, I know. I'm totally aware of my double standards too. 

Question is, now what?

Do I confront him with my questions and my trust issues or just try to go along with our new plan to fix the sex, putting everything else behind me? 

1 comment:

Advizor54 said...

It's too late for me to be thinking clearly, so I won't say much right now, but....

You can't "put everything behind you."

Our hearts and our heads remember too much. What you have to do is understand and forgive.

1 - Do you want to stay with him at all?

2 - Why did you move out instead of recommitting and staying together?

3 - How would you feel if he confessed to having a GF and posting intimate pictures on a sex site?

The tit-for-tat confession game, where you both confess your darkest sins, can be mutually destructive, or you can truly try to forgive him of any real or imagined transgressions and FORGIVE each other.

But at the same time you have to ask his forgiveness.

I can understand the biology of your worries. If he's been seeing hookers or engaging in unsafe sexual practices with others, then you have to be cautious. A "date night" visit it to get a full STD blood panel might be a depressing, but good place to start.

It is too late to be clear, but I am worried about how you are applying a double standard and not turning the questions around to face you first.

How would he react to your story?
How would you want him too?

Perhaps more thoughts when I've had more sleep.