Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Rob's recent effects on me.

Written yesterday after a conversation with Rob.

I've always known, but today I realised how important Rob is to me and how much I'd suffer if I ever lost touch with him.

He has been more present recently. He knows how much I've been going through lately and how much the situation weighs on me. Today I made the excuse of the translation again to hide in the bedroom. We chatted again, this time with video, although there were times I wished mine wasn't on. He just let me vent, asked me what was on my mind, told me to get things off my chest.

He's the only "real" person I can really talk to these days. Sad isn't it. We surround ourselves with friends but how many of them are willing to listen?

Anyhow I thanked him, told him how much it meant to me, and I cried. I don't know if he noticed. It's hard to see that kind of thing on cam. He went off to make toast at one point and I burst into tears at the thought that he was the only one who would really listen to what I had to say without judging or having an ulterior motive. By the time he got back I had managed pretend nothing was happening. Although he may have caught on. I kept sniffling.

Towards the end of the conversation the tides turned and he cheered me up. He even managed to turn me on with a list of single words, with a mini interruption of a telephone call on my end to make me squirm.

The nicest part was that he told me to keep the story he had written in our previous conversation in my mind, to think of it when things were tough, to read it again, rewrite it, post it, do anything I want with it as long as I keep it in mind for when I'm having hard times. It is possibly the sweetest thing he has said to me. And it is the sweetest thing anyone has said to me in a while.


Heather B said...

I'm sorry to hear that you were crying, but I'm glad he was there for you. :) *hugs*

Vixen said...

It's nice to have someone on your side that you can completely open up to and trust.


Cande said...

Heather B and Vixen:
thanks girls, It was nice even if it was uncomfortable. Crying in front of bf is not an option right now, he's going through so much with his brother.

Green Eyed Frenchy said...

I'm here with the other ladies, nice to have someone you can trust and with whom you can open up.

Hugs too!

Diner Nighthawk said...

I'm sure you've gone over this before, but please forgive me if I ask you to remind me:

What is the benefit of staying with BF over pursuing Rob?

Cande said...

Frenchy. You're an absolute doll hon, thank you. It is true, and very nice to have.

DN: He has a girlfriend and doesn't want to leave her is probably the biggest reason, not that I'd ever ask him to leave her. Even if I were single. I couldn't do that. He loves his girlfriend.

Advizor said...

It's good to hear that you have someone you can really open up with. Crying is cathartic and healthy so don't be afraid to admit it. And though you don't feel like you can cry in front of your BF now, maybe you can offer him that chance. Maybe he's the one that needs to have a good cry, even if he can't admit it to himself.

And just to let you know, I'd be willing to leave Rob's girlfriend for you. :-) Even if he won't.