Tuesday, July 5, 2011


All hell has broken loose here. Co-W split up with his Gf on Sunday night. Bf has blamed me for it more or less, saying that I shouldn't have accepted going on the trip and by accepting I put everyone in a difficult position. Although we've talked things through, the guilt of their separation is on my head. I told Co-W this and he jokingly said, let's get a room, fuck our brains out, film it and sent it to everyone.
Co-W is angry at all our friends because everyone has had their say in things. He's furious with his Gf because she behaved immaturely saying that while he was "working (having fun)" in greece she was out partying and having "a lot of fun" on her own. So he went and broke things off with her. He smashed the gifts he had bought her on the floor in front of her and threw 200 Euros worth of earrings in a river.
When I asked him today if he had spoken to her he said no... But there seems to be a sort of refusal on his part to talk about it. I don't know the whole story so I can't judge what went on.

I feel like I should write her on fb and tell her that she's crazy to leave him, that he loves her, tell her how whenever we were in town looking for souvenirs all he did was look for something to bring back to her. She was his only thought at certain times, he missed her on the trip. He would tell me how he wanted to be with his girlfriend. But I don't want to get in the middle of this, it's not my place.

I feel terrible. It sucks...


Johanna said...

On an intellectual level, I'm sure you know this is not in any way your fault. I can see how it's difficult to handle in reality though. And what does this mean for Co-worker and you? You and bf? Wow, everything is really turbulent around you now... hope things calm down soon, including your feelings of guilt. Co-w is an adult, it's his decision (whether well thought-through or not), and his (ex?) girlfriend's. This isn't your fault, and, as you said yourself, fixing it isn't your responsibility.

John said...

Agrees totally with Johanna on this, if he blames you, it's only because he needs something to blame other than himself, hugs for ya sounds like you are going through hell

Ethan Lambert said...

I'm sorry, not to rant here, but fuck these people. It's YOUR fault this duo didn't have a strong enough relationship to handle a business trip? It's YOUR fault BF can't handle his girlfriend going on a business trip?

I'm sorry, this is real fucking life. And while it's great for BF that he can be unemployed and secure for the rest of his life, in the real fucking world you do what you're told and you thank God you're employed unlike so many other people you know.

You didn't put anybody in any situation. You did what your boss asked you too. I'm sorry, but if you can't handle your significant doing his or her job? You either need to put WAY more effort into your relationship, or your need to grow some thicker fucking skin.

I'm sorry, I'm just getting REALLY sick of people making ridiculous rationalizations to justify blaming someone else for their problems.

I do terrible, stupid things with my life. But at least I don't try to pretend it's right and someone else's fault.

Ethan Lambert said...

***Disclaimer: This would be day-three for me as a non-smoker. Taking anything I say for the next two weeks with a grain of salt :-\

Cande said...

Johanna: You're right, I do know it's not my fault. I can rationalize that, but I wish it were enough to make me care less about what's going on. I still feel awful and I wish I could do something to fix it. And I sometimes wonder if I'm the only one that can set things straight.

John: thanks for the hugs, it's not quite hell. But it's a close second.

Ethan: Awww no need for a disclaimer! HUGS!! I have no idea what it's like to become a non smoker So good luck!!
You're voicing the exact same opinions as another couple co-workers and I wholeheartedly agree. But I can't seem to get angry enough to actually feel any better or do anything about it. I have the sometimes daunting capability of seeing things from various points of view, and if I were in bf's shoes I'd probably think the same thing.

Ethan Lambert said...

Oh, I can totally see how he could FEEL that way. That's perfectly understandable, given that you two are going through a rough patch right now and there's a lot of insecurity floating around in the poor guy's head.

What offends me isn't that he felt that way; what offends me is that he found it easier to convince himself that feeling was true than work on his relationship, and then ACCUSED YOU of breaking up their relationship. He told you you should be ashamed of being a homewrecker... because you did your job.

I know I'm coming from a very American sensibility here, and that gender in the workplace isn't quite as black & white in the rest of the world. But seriously, is it 1950 in Italy?

Besides, I read the previous entry... I know how hard you struggled to be good. I know I personally wouldn't have had the willpower to have walked away from Corfu with as clean a conscience as you get to. I get why you probably feel like you crossed a line, and I get why you didn't cross the physical one... despite how incredibly difficult that must have been. See, that's the situation a real cheater uses to excuse whatever behavior they'd want.

"I've already crossed a line with Coworker."
"I've already cheated with Rob."
"Nobody could have survived this kind of temptation."
"I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I don't."

But you didn't. You clung desperately to fidelity, for no other reason than it was the right thing to do. And I wish I could be there to applaud you for it, because you have absolutely nothing to show for being good. BF still accused you of being a home-wrecker.

And that's just not cool.

Cande said...

You're right. It isn't cool, and I don't have anything to show. I'm really starting to regret not having given in to the temptation, it wouldn't have made any difference apart from my own sanity and mind. I knew deep down no one would believe us if we didn't do anything, but we both wanted to walk away with a clean conscience, especially him. And I didn't want to complicate things for him or for me.

I'm just lucky bf says he believes me that nothing happened, he says that when he hears me say it, he believes it, despite the doubts he may have when I'm not telling him....

It's not the 1950's here... but it's pretty close. Or at least bf's mentality can be close at times. He does try to ignore that part of his brain but it doesn't always work for him.

Johanna said...

I so agree with Ethan. There is such a vast difference between "feeling" and "acting on a feeling". Yes I can understand feelings of jealousy, or envy, or disrespect - and we have a right to each and every feeling we have, there's no such thing as right or wrong, good or bad. But acting on them is something different. If everyone acted on their feelings we wouldn't be human, and there would be no relationships. If you live with someone, and love someone, you owe it to that person to think one step past those first feelings, and also add reason, logic, empathy, respect and love. Among other things.