Friday, May 25, 2012

Good Girl

I got home after work today absolutely exhausted. I felt drained and frustrated and in a terrible mood. I snapped and the bf even if he'd prepared me a lovely pasta lunch. After lunch I went and buried my head in the blankets in bed and stayed there until my afternoon lesson at 4.

I'm feeling sort of raw and ill, I've had a stressful week and I want to just cry myself to sleep.

Next week will be similar, hopefully better though, but the work load will be the same.

Luckily BF has been working more this week, he's been working every evening from 4:30 to 10:30 pm which I love, because it means I can do what I want for a few hours every day. The weekend will be calm as well, he'll be out of the house more. I often have no idea what to do with my time, but I can actually decide for myself without having to tell anyone. I love that. I can eat when I want and go for a walk if I want...

Rob and Skype
I've been getting myself off relatively often, but I haven't used skype or anything recently.... well since the Italian guy I guess.

I'm becoming a good girl. Possibly temporarily but it feels sort of permanent. The stripper that was so active has calmed down since she fell in love. I eliminated a whole bunch of names off my skype account. I had many. But I've whittled it down to a few old friends. Yeah I consider them friends. Guys I used to skype with, but often there was always some kind of chatting and general conversation as well. I like keeping in touch with them or at least having the possibility to keep in touch, I haven't talked to most in a very long time. I find that there's no harm in it though, I don't see the point in cutting friends off. Especially since I haven't gotten up to anything with anyone other than Rob in AGES. I want to keep it that way for now.

I often wonder if Rob is reading my blog, I check the stat counter and stumble upon something that could be him. I can't recognize him like I used to because he changed his computer. Maybe he doesn't come on, maybe I'm just hoping when I see a british ip address at an hour that could be him. There was one recently that stuck in my mind because whoever it was spent a long time on the blog at 2am, he would have just gotten home at that hour. Feasibly it could have been him.
I doubt it really makes a difference though. I just ramble anyhow. Whether he reads or not doesn't change what I write. Sometimes though I wish he could read and understand what goes through my mind sometimes. But at the same time he stopped reading because it was just frustrating for him I think. I often use the blog as a place to let go of feelings, let steam off and it could probably cause some discomfort at times if he read it.

1 comment:

Advizor54 said...

I read this after your later post about cutting back on e-mail and technology. We walk a fine line between connection and obsession and so it's good to shave things back (or wax them) to get back to a less stressful, more manageable workload of friends. And yes, they are friends. I've stopped calling people "real friends" v. "On-line friends." Now there are in-person and on-line friends, both, are just as precious.

I love seeing special IP addresses show up in my hit counter. I don't check much any more after being obsessed for a long time, so It's like seeing your friend's name in the guest check-in book at the front desk of your building. Even if they didn't see you, it's nice to know they are still around.