Thursday, May 31, 2012
I get off... guys get off....
I woke up last night at 2 am. I had been sleeping for a while already since I went to bed early. I've been exhausted these past few days. I woke up to a very intense dream of co-worker and I. I don't remember anything about how the dream started or the situation. All I remember is me sitting in his lap, kissing him passionately and his hand slipping down my back onto my ass, pulling me closer to him forcing my hips down onto his hard cock. I could feel him through his khaki shorts and my jeans. I woke up suddenly out of breath, I looked at the clock and forced myself back to sleep and back to the dream.
The second part of the dream was the same, it was basically a repetition of the first part. This time I walked over to him from another room and I sat myself down on his lap again and kissed him.
Today at work was torture. I kept wanting to say something, but I avoided it, I would get embarrassed without having said anything and I would get distracted and stop mid action to think about the dream.
I sent him a message saying "you visited me last night..." but haven't had a response yet, and probably won't.
Fact is I know that I just superimpose Co-Worker on Rob's role and I'm just missing Rob is all. I'm sort of substituting and I wish I didn't but it really is impossible for me to control. Even just this the dream for example, it's a clear copy of the first day in Birmingham. Rob was sitting on the chair in the room and I walked over and we kissed passionately, I turned and sat facing him and we continued, he pulled me closer to let me feel him under me.... I wish I could just be satisfied with what I had. I wish my brain wouldn't go searching for Co-worker to replace those feelings.
there's this guy I've been teaching in my evening classes for about 4 years now. My town is small so it turns out he's a friend of my neighbour's and we've even invited him for dinner a few times. He's my bf's age so about 10 years older than me. He's not super good looking but he is attractive enough and he's charismatic, nice and very artsy which I'm always very attracted to. I get the feeling he kinda has a crush on me and he probably picked up on my friendly attraction to artistic, smart people. Today he asked if he could stop by the house to talk about a translation he needs done, he also asked me about private conversation lessons. Bf was out when he came.
After our conversation about business stuff we got to talking about computers. He came out randomly with an odd sentence. I didn't know how to react and it got dropped just before he left. He said that his partner had some kind of "find-me" thing on his iphone so she knows exactly where he is all the time and that he couldn't cheat on her even if he tried... Unless it was something like an English lesson... (!?!) k... I just laughed and said riiight! haha funny yeah I totally understand.
It definitely resonated though and I wonder if he mentioned it on purpose or what. I doubt he wants to have an affair with me but... hm it was odd.
It's funny, I seem to just know when guys have a thing for me, there are a few guys around that I have very little to do with on a regular basis, but I definitely know they get off on thoughts of me. Don't ask me how I know.... I can just sense it.