It has been a very long few days.
After working things out with bf things went downhill again. It didn't take long for me to explode with the smallest thing he did. Everything he does these days gets on my nerves. I can't help it. We discussed the event briefly until I came to the conclusion that I overreacted. I apologized fighting back tears and then went for a long walk.
When I got home, I was tired and I went to bed. This morning bf woke me at 7:30 with caresses and kisses. It didn't bother me, I don't mind being woken like that. Even if it's too early. Then we started talking. We didn't stop until 10:00. I told him that the way he handles me sometimes bothers me (the grabbing), I told him that his putting me down when I'm getting dressed to go out bothers me (he always says "oh, you're wearing that??" or "go change" or "you dress like a gypsy" or something else to make me uncomfortable with myself), I told him that I need to hear some kind of verbal confirmation of his love for me on occasion.
It was a bit of a battle he put up a fight for everything I said.
I also said that his lack of communication with me was not all his fault, that I do not do my part in the communication of my own feelings.
We finally finished the discussion when he asked a question that I couldn't answer. He said "so you think I should have to initiate expressing my feelings when you have never initiated yourself".
This sentence brought on a wave of guilt and unworthiness that was so strong I cried for the next hour.
I'm not sure what to do with myself at the moment. Maybe everything will clear up now that "the discussion" was had. Or maybe everything will continue as before.