Monday, July 19, 2010

"Happy Ending"

It has been a very long few days.

After working things out with bf things went downhill again. It didn't take long for me to explode with the smallest thing he did. Everything he does these days gets on my nerves. I can't help it. We discussed the event briefly until I came to the conclusion that I overreacted. I apologized fighting back tears and then went for a long walk.

When I got home, I was tired and I went to bed. This morning bf woke me at 7:30 with caresses and kisses.  It didn't bother me, I don't mind being woken like that. Even if it's too early. Then we started talking. We didn't stop until 10:00. I told him that the way he handles me sometimes bothers me (the grabbing), I told him that his putting me down when I'm getting dressed to go out bothers me (he always says "oh, you're wearing that??" or "go change" or "you dress like a gypsy" or something else to make me uncomfortable with myself),  I told him that I need to hear some kind of verbal confirmation of his love for me on occasion.

It was a bit of a battle he put up a fight for everything I said.

I also said that his lack of communication with me was not all his fault, that I do not do my part in the communication of my own feelings.

We finally finished the discussion when he asked a question that I couldn't answer. He said "so you think I should have to initiate expressing my feelings when you have never initiated yourself".

This sentence brought on a wave of guilt and unworthiness that was so strong I cried for the next hour.

I'm not sure what to do with myself at the moment. Maybe everything will clear up now that "the discussion" was had. Or maybe everything will continue as before.

6 comments:

BlueLantern said...

*hugs* I'm sure it took a lot of strength to get things off your chest and share so openly with him. You've done great so far telling each other what you want/need. Keep pushing yourself to talk and work together, because going back to the old status quo won't make either of you happy.

DOG3OY said...

please, over communicate. we are simple stupid creatures. treat our emotional side like you would try to explain why the sky is blue to a three year old. he'll ether respond in kind and relax to let it flow or clam up like an idiot.

then you can shoot him between the eyes with the "we just don't communicate any more"

oh, don't what ever you do, take my advice, i haven't had my first coffee yet.

Southern Sage said...

I'm with Dog.

men have to be told EXACTLY. Not hinted at, not insinuated toward.
SAY IT.

you can try this, make him STFU and let you talk for an allotted amount of time, where he does not interrupt, then he talks. Also sometimes I find people have better luck when they write it down, you can edit and get it exactly right.

Sure seems like y'alls relationship is a big ass struggle most of the time.

I hope it gets better!

Mistress Bella said...

I think if he is stating why he should be the one to initiate any kind of emotional communication, when you don't do it....I think maybe perhaps you should start telling him how you feel about him, the good things....and keep it up, see if he will do the same...and if he doesn't

Then at least you can say, well...I always initiate expressing my feelings, but you never do it....then he doesn't have a leg to stand on does he?because he cant claim you don't do it, so his reasoning will sound weak

R.R. said...

This sounds sooo much like countless conversations I've with my other half. I know how you feel. I don't have an advice or words of wisdom to give you, because if I did I'd obviously be applying them to my own relationship as well. I just wish you luck... hang in there and don't let it get to you. *hugs*

{{ d a n i m o }} said...

i'm in a very similar situation myself. the only advice i can offer is to take a long look at why you're in a relationship -- is it just because you've been together a long time, or perhaps just because you're not sure if you can find someone else with all the positive qualities of your boyfriend? then, if you decide you're in it for the right reasons, the best way to enact the changes you want to see is to lead by example and to nurture and support even small steps forward with positive reinforcement so that they may blossom and grow. : ) i hope that helps, and i'm sorry to hear someone else is going through this as well.