Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Wearing a dress

The desperation takes over sometimes. I feel like I'm wasting my youth. I mean, Fuck, I look good, and I can't even get a dress on for any reason?

I can't get a nice evening out with bf, I can't even suggest we go to dinner, I can't suggest we go out to get ice-cream, I can't suggest going to a concert or out for a drink for a snack, for breakfast out, to a movie, I can't suggest doing anything without him saying... "no, we've got that at home", "we can do that at home", "it's expensive", "nooo, I'll cook at home"... and so on.
I can't even offer to pay for it myself knowing he has less work at the moment.

The only reasons I can find to put on a nice dress is to go to a concert with my gay 50 yr old friend so that people stare at us as if I'm a call girl.

And he doesn't get it. I've tried talking to him about it.

What frustration.

9 comments:

Green Eyed Frenchy said...

Sounds so familiar! Don't you have girlfriends or other friends? I mean you need to socialise he should understand that. Would he not let you go out on your own? You could decide that once a week on Fridays or Saturdays it is your night/day out.

Cande said...

Yeah I do go out occasionally with friends. Although the two girls I go out with are both single at the moment. They often invite guys out and since he knows this he gets jealous and so I've opted out of going drinking with them unless I know for sure it'll be just girls. Which is now rare.

It's not so much that though, because yeah, I occasionally get to socialize with friends, but I really do miss having a nice "romantic" or even fun night out with bf.

Southern Sage said...

Have you tried mandating it? What seems to have worked in the past for chicks I know is to ay "We are going out Thursday to get ice cream.

He says no. You say, I didn't ask. I am going you can come with me or I will go alone and see if I can find someone to talk to.

Don't always defer to what he wants. If he respects you and wants you to be happy then he will go. He will bitch and all that but he will eventually get used to it. Also tell him he doesn't have to eat any, be it ice cream or dinner or whatever. Suits you. At first he might not go or go and be pissy but if you prove to him that you are going with or without him he can come and be pissy or come and try to enjoy himself.

It should work. Give it a try.

Cande said...

Sage: hmmm I will definitely try that.... sounds interesting. At least if he doesn't come I can have an excuse to talk to some other guy ;-)

Black Pearl said...

Have you tried counseling? I only ask because the way you feel now could lead to resentment. How do I know? Check my earlier posts LOL

Cande said...

Yes I believe it does lead to that, I agree totally. I will try what Sage suggested first. Then we'll see.... maybe I can get a move on things...

ladylamb said...

I agree with Black Pearl. It sounds like this going out issue is part of a larger picture. From reading your posts I now have the impression that a lot is going unsaid between you and your boyfriend. A few weeks ago you stated that he had been making comments about you getting tired of him. Then again, are you still considering leaving him?

Cande said...

Ladylamb: I'm still trying to figure that out. I'm not planning on leaving him if things are good. But the stress in the family creates stress between us and in general so it's obviously not a "happy" situation. At this point there are many things that irritate me, but I can't say they are enough to make me want to break up.

A lot of the problem is the amount of time he's around, he doesn't want to get a job, so he's constantly home. I need my space, and so things get on my nerves easily. This means that he feels like I don't want him around or that I'm tired of him. But in reality I think most of it is due to the amount of time we spend together. It's too much.

Green Eyed Frenchy said...

I'm sorry I missed out the part about going out together, I agree with Black Pearl, at this stage maybe counselling would be a good thing.