Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Comment I left on Raoul's blog.

*I left in 1998. I moved to Europe to cut all ties, yet I opened the proverbial can of worms you speak about. There was no avoiding it. I tried to avoid it like I tried to avoid cell phones. The opposition only lasted so long. The heartache is very intense at times. Sometimes more than others... like tonight. It goes away though, eventually... It takes time. All of the lost opportunities or stupid mistakes leave holes and they're hard to ignore.*

He published it today.... no reply though. Yeah I shouldn't have commented. Gotta leave those things alone.

On Facebook I was contacted by another of my past lovers. He was a travel agent back at home. He was quite a bit older than me. We had amazing sex. But we also smoked a lot of weed together. Hey if you grow up West Coast Canada... that's what you do.
His chat on FB was brief and hurried. We talked about the weather and I asked about his new kid. I know him and his partner had a baby boy about a year ago.  He said that he'd post some pictures of him and his son on FB soon. And I said that I'd be happy to see them because I haven't seen him, his face in years. There was a customer in his shop, he had to run, but before going he said "I've always had a soft spot for you, don't tell anyone"

To tell the truth, I'm a little afraid of the pictures. I'm afraid I'll remember too much. At the moment I don't really remember what he looks like. Seeing his face will bring back so many memories.
All I need is another heartache.

3 comments:

DOG3OY said...

Holy crap, stop torturing yourself. Stalking ex-loves is only going to drive a deeper stake in to your heart. Let them go and concentrate on conquering fresh loves.

Advizor said...

I agree with DOG3 but for different reasons. Past loves are just that, part of our past. We meet, we love, we kiss, we break-up, we move on. As we contemplate our past, we need to let go of the painful "What-ifs" and enjoy the memory of "What Was..."

We should try and remember the good time with fond wistfulness and tender affection. Forgive them for their immaturity, their youthful pains, their bad decisions as we hope they have forgiven us.

The past is gone, life is now, live it, be happy, and let all of the pain drift away on the next Italian sunset.

Cande said...

You're both right.

Sometimes I feel the need to purge, and I think... but I can't be sure, that it might help. Getting the feelings out and onto paper helps me deal with them, helps me come to terms that I need to let them go.

In any case you're right I need to concentrate on now.