Friday, August 27, 2010

Staring during sex.

So bf and I had sex as soon as we got home on last Friday night. It was strange. I wasn't really that turned on. I think I was feeling a bit funny in the tummy. But I enjoyed the sex nonetheless.

The fact that I wasn't that turned on, and that my body was functioning on its own by producing enough lubrication to have sex 100 times, made it strange. I was oddly alert, I usually blank out from the overwhelming sensations. But I stayed on top, propped up on one arm, lifting my hips enough so that bf could move on his own under me, and he just fucked me however he wanted, whatever speed, however hard. All I did was watch him, with my eyes wide open. I never do that. I'll take peeks, look, sure and watch, but not STARE like I did that night. I stared straight at his face, if his eyes were open I'd stare into them.
He must have loved it. He smiled at me, he made all sorts of faces, he even spoke to me. Which he rarely does except for the ending phrase "I'm gonna cum". This time he asked me if it was ok that he play with my ass. I nodded and smiled. He always plays with my ass, he has never asked.

The other thing that distinguished this experience from the others was the fact that I was pretty bored with what was going on, it was all too normal. I wanted something else, something different, something new. I should have said so, I tried to say something like "get a move on", but it wasn't enough. I'll have to be more direct next time.

He pulled my hair a little which was a first. And when I got bored enough I made him get up and fuck me doggy style, with my shoulders and head planted on the bed. I stimulated my clit and I could feel him getting bigger and pulsing inside me. As he was pulling out, I came. It wasn't a massive overwhelming orgasm. It was shorter, probably because he had pulled out and the internal stimulation was gone.

The next morning he was at the hospital, I was home in bed, bf's mother in the other room, and I was horny as hell. I got myself off. I had to think of some random situation of being fucked from behind, no one in particular was involved, just hands groping and a cock inside me. It was fast and again not overwhelming, but better than the night before enough to satisfy me.

That afternoon we had a moment of time on the bed alone, I was on top of him, just laying there, and we started talking. He said that there were so many times while we were having sex that he would have wanted to say "I love you" but he never got up the courage. He also said "you'd have never thought of doing that, right?" but it was a half joke. I didn't answer. I just smiled and laughed it off.
Then he said that he had been thinking that if on the off and very odd chance I got pregnant, he wouldn't ask me to abort. Those were his words. Strange eh? hmm anyhow he said that it would be a boy, and I refused. I have always known I'd never give birth to a boy. But we giggled about that.

In hindsight the conversation was strange. Between the comment about me not saying I love you, and the abortion thing, it was odd. I was happy about the comments in general. But writing them here make me think they're strange. Perhaps it is the English translation that screws with me, perhaps it's the tone of voice. Who knows.


Anonymous said...

well yup thats strange. If you'll replace "nobody in particular" with me it will be better, or so I hear!

rachel-xx said...

Yeah, I have stared on many an occasion. What I like best is watching when they do not know I am watching. Wide Load is big on watching his dick sliding in and out of me. I love the way he is so intent on that part of us.

Advizor said...

I think that staring can be out of two emotions, as Rachel says, it can be an enormous turn-on to see your lover enjoying your body, to be intensley involved.

The other mode is when you are watching, feeling like an observer instead of a participant, watching a body move in and out of a body that looks like your's but doesn't feel like "you." I can't tell you which one it was, but if you were getting bored....

As for the abortion comment and the "I love you" non-comment, it seems to me that he's trying to get a reaction out of you.

He admitted to thinking about saying it but not doing it, and assumed that you were not going to (never) say it. The abortion comment at least sounds like if there was a baby that he wouldn't object, but it's a long way away from, "I love you, let's have a baby."

Strange days indeed.

Diner Nighthawk said...

I can't tell if he's hinting at something that he wants you to dig for, or if he's having a problem putting into words something he's feeling. Regardless, it sounds like whatever it is seems to have something to do with feeling a desire for some sort of growth between you two, I don't know.