Saturday, October 30, 2010

Saturday.

It's Saturday.
If I text him he won't answer. That doesn't help the urge I have to text him.

I'm trying to keep my spirits up, I'll be seeing some good friends from home while in London. I'll be seeing 4 people I really miss and want to see.

I only get the urge to cry when I sit and think about it, so I'm keeping myself busy packing and listening to music.

I don't blame him. I admire him for his devotion to her. I wish I had the same strength he has. I feel pretty terrible for even wanting to organize this. I don't have an inkling of guilt in me about it. I know I should but I don't. I spent part of the Friday that Rob texted me to tell me he was bailing on the couch trying to overcome panic attacks. My heart was beating in my throat to the point that I was coughing. But absolutely no guilt. The need is so strong for Rob that I don't see the guilt. Maybe it's hiding somewhere under there.

I just have to wait until Monday to text him. I need to hear from him. I need to know he's still there... for some reason.

2 comments:

ebony panther said...

You've developed a relationship over all these years with him so it's understandable what you're going through. I wish I had some advice for you but honestly, no words from anybody would really either work or matter in this case.

Marcus said...

I'm sorry to hear how tough this has been. It's good that you have people in London to see, otherwise this could have been more of a disaster. This type of pain is different for each person, so no one knows exactly how you feel, but kind of sort of. I hope you find something good and the pain eases up soon.