Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Hot Boys and Girls.

I had a lesson with a student of mine. I've mentioned him before. I've had a dream about him even, and he is young. He just turned 19. I've been tutoring him since he was 10... yeah 9 years... man that makes me feel old. He isn't someone I see constantly now. I only see him during high stress periods at school when he needs some exam prep. But his presence drives me crazy. It must be his "fuck-all" attitude, and his nonchalantness that gets to me. While trying to concentrate on his exam topic my mind kept wandering to what would happen if I kissed him.... ok, don't get me wrong, I'm not a pedophile, I'd never do it. But I was honestly wondering how he'd react. Would he push me off, latch on and kiss harder, feel me up, or just back off and laugh it off?

Anyhow I had a dumb grin on my face at one point, while looking at him. It was that proud parent grin, thinking how amazing it is to see him get so much older and cooler. I wanted to grab his cheek type of feeling... I didn't... I'm not that kind of person.

I teach a friend of his too, and he's the exact opposite, he's all gung-ho about everything. He'd probably jump on me given the chance. He's the one that asked me a while back if I'd go to Australia with him.
I'm helping him to get his visa and organise his studies in Australia for next year. He's all touchy feely too. While the other is very reserved.


So I walked past what I'd quite confidently call an Emo shop this afternoon. There's only one in town. Owned by a dreadlocked black guy and a bunch of emo kids work there. There was a girl this afternoon wearing black sheer nylons, and a black tube dress that didn't really even cover her crotch. She was young, must have been around 17 or so, maybe younger, it's hard to tell. She was wearing a lot of makeup.
I was kinda horrified and envious at the same time. I sometimes wish I had the courage to do that. But at the same time I thought... wow that's totally inappropriate.

Anyhow, props to her for being so courageous.


Johanna said...

Being confronted with that youthful energy makes me want certain aspects of youth - the possibilities, the unclear boundaries, the acceptance of the surrounding world (though it often comes in the shape of condemning words). I wish everyone had the courage of that girl - at that age or later in life. My mind is probably more open now than it was then, and my desire to experiement and explore is bigger... perhaps a good thing it's hitting me at a time in life when I'm being held back by real life responsibilities, or it could easily have become too much :-)

Anonymous said...

yeah, i feel the same way that johanna does.

i did many things later in life and in most cases i am happy about that. i was able to have the sense to know when enough is enough.

Advizor54 said...

I dressed up like an Emo girl for a while, it's not all that great, didn't work out for me.....

However, I bought a leather jacket when I was in college, I wore it on a date with a girl I had a HUGE crush on, and she said, "You just aren't a leather jacket kind of guy." I crushed be back in to a deep and boring fashion hole. I stayed there for a long time. I am bolder now and I'm beginning to like the way I dress.

As for the young ones, it's a little weird to see them at 10 and then at 19, it still feels icky. My daughter is getting older and her friends are getting hotter. Now that makes me feel like a dirty old man.

Malcolm said...

Personally, I don't think liking or fantasizing about sex with young ones is anything but natural. We have animal instincts that have ensured the survival of the human race. "Feeling like a dirty old man" is just a result of society's conditioning, there's nothing dirty about sex, it's lovely, exciting, life-affirming. No matter what the ages of the participants.