Sunday, March 20, 2011


I want him, his body, his hands, his cock, his mind, his strength, his control... I want it all to just take over and make me forget where and who I am and everything around me. I want to drown in the sensations, dive into the depths of the overwhelming power of the situation. I want to be totally and utterly lost.... just for a while. How strong can the need to escape be? There are times when movies, books and other simple things will suffice in my distraction, other times when I feel like he's the only one capable of really helping, of really making me forget where and who I am.

I try imagining him, his weight, his speed, his warmth. How he'd fill me, how he'd force himself inside me, how he'd push and grab and twist me. Pull and spank and prod me. I'd be butter in his hands, do whatever he wants. Get on my knees for him, lick, suck and slide him inside me....

Imagining isn't real though,  it's never enough. I want the real thing. Sometimes its so tangible I can almost taste it. Other times it escapes me.


There are days when I don't want to deal with anyone but Rob. Today is one of those days. It'll be a week before I get to see him online again, when things settle down after this coming hellish week. He'll be working afternoons, which means late nights are up for grabs, and I'll be home in the mornings on occasion. So I'm looking forward to that.

Today I've even been avoiding bf, I honestly wish I could ignore the feeling and just jump on bf and have wild and crazy sex, but I can't shake it. The lust for Rob is too strong sometimes.

I think it's more of the idea of Rob that has me in these moments more than him as a person... Not meaning to knock him or anything, but I think it's simply a form of escape. It's the greener grass on the other side syndrome, or something like that...


Lady Alexia said...

The desire you described gets to me sometimes as well. For me though it is the added yearning to become a woman capable of being loved like that as well. Stay strong Sweetie.


Johanna said...

You describe the feeling so well. And I agree with you, I often think it's more the idea than the real person I want. I keep thinking I only see a fraction online, and that I've filled in so many blanks to create a full person that that person is in a way fictional. And then sometimes I think I want exactly what I'm getting, nothing less, nothing more, no matter how fractional, how real, how fictional (it gets confusing). And most times I don't even care what it is, or isn't. Having an idea of a person to crave isn't that bad either :-)

Johanna said...

And oh, forgot... that feeling of being almost annoyed with everyone else. Not sure if it's healthy... there is a tiny part of me that tells me to face reality instead. But maybe it's a good thing that there's at least one person whom you will let inside on those days; at least one remedy. Instead of none. I choose to see it that way, for now.

Cande said...

Alexia: That is an added difficulty for sure. I hope you can reach your goal.

Johanna: Exxaaactly. I love it when someone understands me so well. The filling in the blanks, the wondering if what you really like is the fictional or the real thing. And yes it gets very confusing. But you're right often I don't really care... actually almost always. I need it for what it is.

And for sure the "not wanting anyone else" thing is for sure a problem. It's something that probably isn't healthy at all. But as you say it's better than not letting anyone in. I just wish I had him more readily available :(