Wednesday, September 16, 2009


Advizor's post got me thinking.

Emotions are hard to block out especially when things get as seemingly intense as they have with Rob and I. I've written a tentative email about this to him. Despite me seeing him on cam and our playing resulting in the "Belt" post, I feel that things have changed. I haven't sent the email yet and I'm still not sure I will.

I think it's natural for things to change and evolve. I'm not one for stopping that. I think change can go in two directions, it can be enticing, beautiful and welcome, and other times horribly frightening. No matter which it is I think it often needs to happen otherwise things can stagnate. Life is like a river, it needs to keep moving. Can't force it to stay still, it has to run it's course.

I'm afraid of things falling apart with him. I'm afraid of losing what we have. He knows me better than anyone else, sexually speaking, and possibly beyond. There's no way I can substitute 8 years of knowing someone, of getting to know someone. I don't really want to.

I get the feeling sometimes that he has caught himself in some kind of an emotion with me, and that he's trying to push it away. Trying to separate himself from this situation. I don't blame him if that's the case.

I hope it doesn't push him too far away.


dark snow said...

all the best with him...

Leonhart said...

8 years! Is that how long it's been? That's longer than any relationship I've ever had!

Cande said...

8 years on line, yes. It has been a long time.