So I got four extremely interesting comments on my "conclusions" post that I wanted to answer. First of all, before I go into each comment individually I want to say that each of you brought up things that were extremely true and each of you hit a different truth. Even if some of your comments are contrasting, they each have elements that are useful to me.
I agree with accepting his apology for what it is, and I also think it may be a good idea to revisit the topic at a later date... I'm not sure it will happen though, I may just let it slide as Kenny suggests but as Johanna says often what I need is proof that he knows what he's apologizing for.
You hit so many raw nerves in your comment. He has changed a lot over the years, I'm sure we both have. But I think that he has changed more than I have. This is one reason behind his comment of not wanting to change. He probably was like this when I met him, but I think that at the beginning of a relationship you tend to do your best to please, so making unnecessary comments on how much you hate a gift was probably avoided on his part.
your second comment hit the nail right on the head. We are exactly that, two beasts co-existing for the sake of habit and not so much for love. I have written that myself when I first started this blog, it was my fear, but the fear is now becoming more concrete. I've been told by a professional counsellor though that a relationship built like this is probably more solid than one built on passion. Or I guess she said: "sometimes we don't marry the people we are madly in love with" (I made the above conclusion) and so I have stuck with it.
Ahh you've noticed it too then. It's not just me. The intimacy does peter out after things like this. One by one they eat away at the relationship don't they? That's exactly it though. I was expecting something more from his apology. I think though that men and women see apologies and how to apologize differently. I was probably expecting flowers and chocolates, and he figured saying "I love you" or coming to see me in bed and caressing my face and hair for 20 minutes was an apology. It's hard to know what the other person has in heart and in mind. And as Kenny said, men are really bad mind readers.
You're right... perhaps I should just move on and try again. Problem is this, I've tried this little surprise once and it didn't fail but almost, I tried it again and it failed miserably. Compare that to your horse analogy and you'll get something like: I got bucked off the horse the first time and I got back on and rode and it was ok, then I tried riding again because I enjoyed it and thought the horse did too, but he bucks me off again but this time he tramples me under foot. I'm not sure I'd get back on after that... I'd be freaked that he'd walk all over me again.
We'll see... We haven't had sex yet, it's been over a week. He has hinted at wanting to, I have pretended to not understand. It is no different than what normally goes down I suppose. I wish that he were the type of guy who when in need just comes and gets it... Throws me on the bed type of guy. But he's not. So I wait for a more decisive move on his part and I think in a few weeks things will be back to normal.
One thing that did happen was that I was in a bit of depression Saturday morning. He came and talked to me in bed. And we decided to set some goals for April. He's going to get a move on getting his certificate for his new job prospect (yay!) and I'm going to get a studio space by april (YAY!) So I'll have more space and time on my own even if he doesn't get his certificate. We'll help each other stay on track that way.
I think part of what set me up for a morning of depression was an older guy at the pub the other evening, he set down 7 coasters in a row, and took off two at the top end and said, those are your 60th and 70th years those are going to be spent in retirement. Then he said, "how old are you?" The young guy he was talking to said 35, so he then took another two off the bottom (10 and 20s) and tore a 3rd in half. He said, while looking at the remaining two and a half, "that's what you've got left to make it worth while".
I turned to look at him and told him that it was going to put me into a crisis, and that he wasn't allowed to do that in a pub while people are drinking and getting drunk. And he said "sure I can, it'll give you direction". I think he was right... so was I (it put me in a crisis), but it has also put things into perspective. He was the boss of the company London girl used to work for.