Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Reactions

So I was having a good day with bf yesterday. He crawled into bed next to me in the morning with kisses and caresses. After I got home from work I was tired, but we went for a walk together and laughed and had a good time.

When I got home I noticed that the concert I went to in England will be coming here and tickets aren't too expensive so I hinted at seeing it again. I even offered to buy tickets for the both of us. It's not close to home, but I think it'd be worth it, and the tickets aren't half as expensive as they were in London.

Bf joked about me going with someone else at first, but when I probed further to see if he'd be willing to come he flipped out. He went on a stupid rant about me just getting back, to lay off the concert hype and to take a week to appreciate being back, to quit talking about going away.

When I was left with my mouth hanging open in surprise at his reaction, he angrily asked if I thought he was wrong. When I said that he wasn't necessarily wrong but that his reaction was exaggerated, he didn't say anything.

Which is why I sat in the guest room catching up on my blog posting last night.

Since then he has given me hugs and has been trying to be forgiven. But I am having a hard time.

I feel like telling him that he's losing me. I want to try to explain to him what it feels like to really feel enthusiastic about something, because I don't think that he has ever really felt a strong emotion towards an event like a concert or even a sports event.

Thin Ice 
by Roger Waters

If you should go skating
On the thin ice of modern life
Dragging behind you the silent reproach 
Of a million tear-stained eyes
Don't be surprised when a crack in the ice
Appears under your feet
You slip out of your depth and out of your mind
With your fear flowing out behind you
As you claw thin ice.

The Wall is the concert that I went to see, I'm not sure I mentioned it, but I have recently realized that it has been a fall back album since I was a kid for when I've been going through times of crisis. It was the album I played when I was 6, when I heard my parents arguing to drown out their voices I would blare the trial in my room. At the time I was obviously not aware of the significance of the album. But today as I was writing this post and listening to Thin Ice, it dawned on me how relevant it is during this time of my life. 

4 comments:

Johanna said...

Oh Cande I'm so sorry... Though the experience you had with Rob probably isn't representative of what a relationship with him or indeed anyone would be like in the long run, I think what you've recently been through puts your relationship with bf in perspective. The contrast makes it crystal clear what you're missing. It's obviously painful but I still think it's a good thing. I might be wrong but it seems to me that you need someone who shares your passion for passion and who gets your need of space, and I don't think bf will ever change or even begin to understand... Again, I realize I don't have the full picture, but I think you should tell him how serious your concerns are and how close he is to losing you.

Osbasso said...

I'm shocked that he wouldn't jump all over this concert. I know the feeling when you're blindsided by a lack of emotion when you're really excited about something. :-(

Green Eyed Frenchy said...

I can only second what Johanna and Osbasso said.

Hugs!

A Good Mom said...

Ugh, that would suck. I hope you go with someone who is just as excited as you are