Thursday, June 21, 2012

40 Degree heat

Bf was away for two nights. He just got back. It was nice to be alone for a bit, again. I got the chance to talk to some old friends. I was hoping to catch Rob and make him get me off. He sent me an email, saying that he'd be on this morning. He texted to tell me he was on right when bf got home. Luckily bf had to go straight out and will be out until evening.

So we hooked up on Skype. He talked to me, looked me in the eyes, told me about how he fucked me, how I'd swallowed his cum, how his warm cum covered my face, how he slipped his fingers inside me and stroked my g-spot.... how he spanked me, fucked me from behind, licked me while he stared into my eyes.
I came and came again, and then he asked me if we could cum together. And we did.

I realize though that I've been overwhelmed by a need for him that is much stronger than it should be. I need to feel the same reassuring calmness that I felt when I got back from London. The drug like craving was gone... that's the only thing I can compare it to, a frantic need. When I got back from London it was so much easier. I didn't feel that, I didn't feel the urge to get in touch constantly. I didn't crave his emails, his texts, his presence on Skype. I was at ease about everything, I was calm.... How do I get that back without seeing him?

He's been pretty good these days. I often don't get things with him. But I'm trying to stop paying too much attention to it. Yesterday I wore an asymmetrical top that had just one shoulder. He told me to cover my shoulder. He called my name, stared me straight in the eyes and (fake) shyly showed me his middle finger as he would do in Greece.
Today he repeated the middle finger trick, but then giggled a little boy giggle and head butted my shoulder..... WTF??

I don't really care but I can't really ignore it. I generally don't play along much though. I smile or laugh and say thanks and walk away. I don't know how to react. So I just walk away from the situation. I suppose I get a little flustered and have difficulty thinking of good answers.

I know, it's never going to change... he's not going to give in, and neither am I, but I think about it...There's this step that I sit on where we work, I sit and talk to the others who are working, and If he stands next to me, which is common, he is at a perfect height to go down on. The urge is so strong sometimes. I fantasize about it on occasion. That... or the small work closet that we sometimes end up in together, it's small, it has a dirty work table. I was in there the other day when he came in to wash something. The table faces away from the sink, I was doing something on the table my back turned to him. Another recurring fantasy is that he comes up behind me in there and wraps his hands around me.... bites my neck and runs his hand up my skirt.

With my urgent need for Rob these days I think I look for distractions too. So fantasies about the Co-Worker are easier, they keep my mind off Rob a bit. Substitutions, distractions. They feel like cheating. I feel guiltier about it than cheating on my bf....  heh, how does that work?


Advizor54 said...

We all need our little distractions now and then, and no, it's not cheating. I like how you describe the feeling of being calm. That is wonderful to have. And you'll find it again. As you make decisions that are good for you, you'll know when you are on the right track.

Michael said...

I certainly agree with Advizor, no it's not cheating. What this post indicates to me, is that your health is coming back, you're beginning to feel more like your normal self. That should be good for all of us


Anonymous said...

Substitutions, distractions.....

thats what we are here for :)

Ethan Lambert said...

Perhaps because the person you've physically been unfaithful with feels right deep down inside, whereas the person you're fantasizing about comes from a more primal motivation?

ebony panther said...

Ah...cravings, like the one I have for this blog.
Since I don't have your newer email address, could you do me a favor & send it to me in one of my blog's post comments? Since I review all of my comments, your address won't go out for the general public. Thanks.