Wednesday, June 6, 2012
What Men are Missing about Intimacy.
I have been talking, or rather emailing some guy who has a very strange blog and hobby. He randomly picks people to have "conversations" with and then publishes the conversations on his blog. He's passing it off as a script that he wrote. I figured it would be entertaining and so I accepted when he asked if I'd participate.
He's a nut... I think... or maybe he's just pretending to be a nut. In any case the topic of intimacy came up. He didn't have any real concept of intimacy beyond sex. My good friend Advizor and I had a good long conversation about it and it seems that most men just don't think of intimacy in any other way other than sex.
The strange thing is that a very important boyfriend of mine (before the current BF) was actually super intimate all the time, but he was also a nut. He considered himself a Shaman of sorts. But he did introduce me to the most intimate relationship I could have ever possibly imagined. I've never experienced anything like it since either. One of the first things he said to me was that I had to open up to him if I wanted to have a relationship with him. So I did. I opened myself up so far that he wrapped his little tendrils around everything inside of me and I mean that in the most metaphysical sense possible. He then cheated on me after he asked me to marry him, and I was devastated. But that is a little off topic.
Men don't understand that women (or maybe it's just me?) want, need and crave intimacy with them. That doesn't necessarily mean sex, although it might be part of it. Intimacy, in my view, is something that goes way beyond sex. It has more to do with an emotional connection. Advizor brought up honesty. Honesty is definitely a part of intimacy and being 100% open with someone promotes intimacy, but being 100% open is not necessarily an intimate act.
The way that I experienced intimacy with the "Shaman" was actually through a very deep sharing of.... hm this might sound weird... but the only way I can describe it is energy. An example could be spending time naked in bed without having sex, without anything sexual going on. Just a close study of each other, looking into each other on a spiritual level. Understanding with and without words who that person is, what their soul is like, what their heart and energy is like. It's something that happens naturally during sex on occasion and I think that's where men get confused. The same or similar events could also happen outside in a park or on a train ride or any other random place (minus the nudity of course). It could just simply consist in a sense of complicity between the two. It's just a matter of connection between the two people. That's it.... the connection.
I figure that if men could understand that not-so-simple principle. They'd have it pretty much made.