Thursday, June 2, 2011

Catch 22

Feel free to laugh and make fun of me. I am ridiculous.

Tonight I miss him like crazy. I wanted to send him an email but stopped myself.  I'd already sent him god knows how many today. Writing it here lets me get it out, I know he'll read it and I haven't been so obviously obsessive.... except that now I've admitted it and I'm right back at square one.

I keep checking my email even if I know he's probably sleeping, I keep checking my sitemeter, and then something appears and I wonder if it's him that late. And if it is I feel like telling him to stop thinking about me, because it makes me think about him even more and miss him even more. But I don't really want to tell him that because then I wouldn't see his hits on the sitemeter and I'd be sad and miss him that way too. It's a catch 22 see.

Someone slap me... please.

5 comments:

John said...

I think you are acting normal for someone who loves someone. It's not anything to be ashamed of. It's not obsessive.

You have a lot on your mind right now and I know it's hard for you, because you are dealing with so much at once.

Let it pan out the way it will, do what YOU want and feel is right. Right now there is no wrong or right, just what you believe it is.

You will come to your resolution in due course whatever that may be.

Signing out with a hug because I am betting you could do with the hug of a friend right now

Johanna said...

Then slap me too... it varies from day to day, but yes, mostly something like what you describe... I just said goodnight to S, but I still want (even hope!) for him to come back (though that has happened like once or twice out of the probably hundreds of times we've talked late at night). It's a privilege to feel this way, and painful, but most of all ridiculous :-)

Marcus said...

Lol, I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you. When I'm waiting for someone to read something but haven't seen a comment from them I start looking at the site-meter. Glad to know I'm not the only one!

Green Eyed Frenchy said...

I am too wishing to give you a big hug. Been there, done that. Even the sitemeter! lol! And you need to decide what exactly it is you want, so many things to think about, but it also is so exciting. You need to take action in order to get the life you want. Bon courage, my dear one!

Max said...

Yep, I'm laughing with you (and at myself) too. :-) Been there and done that too....