Saturday, June 11, 2011

confused

This is a difficult post... I've written it and have been sitting wondering if I should post it... It feels wrong and right all at the same time.

I'm feeling really on edge today.
I went and read a few articles about online affairs and am now feeling confused.
My guilt may be setting in.... but it doesn't feel like guilt.
Online affairs are symptoms of a deeper relationship problem (and I already knew that). If I didn't have an affair would I manage things with bf better? probably.... (and I knew that too)

Here's a quick sum of things that I read:
Online affairs make you feel like your real relationship isn't enough.
It amplifies the negative qualities of your partner.
It forces you to withhold information, and therefore be deceitful and basically create a massive gap in communication with your partner.
The list goes on, and on...

Today I am feeling frustrated... really frustrated. So frustrated I feel like cutting all contacts. But I'm sure that won't happen. They make me feel too good. I find though that I'm seriously craving more and more contact. I think I need to back away. Because when I don't get the contact I need I get frustrated and anxious, it affects my mood more than it should... I really doubt this is healthy.

I need to concentrate on other things. I will make a serious effort to do so.... avoid email, avoid sitemeter... at least I'll try... for a while.

3 comments:

Johanna said...

If your needs are not met within your current relationship, that's a shared responsibility and not just yours. Is something missing from your relationship with bf becuase you're having an affair, or are you having an affair because something is missing?

I understand your need to cut down on time and energy spent online, but you can't just take something away, and hope that what you're left with will be enough. That's just punishing yourself out of feelings of guilt. You need to create a vision, an image of a life where you feel fulfilled and at ease - what does that vision look like? How will you get there? How will it affect your relationship?

I have found that I'm better equipped to handle any imbalances or problems in my online life if I feel that my "real" life is meaningful and interesting... which it is at times, but at other times not.

My online life has certainly taken its toll on my marriage, but it has also strengthened me and made me voice my needs in a better way, to which my husband has responded really well.

Whatever you decide to do, know that there are friends out there thinking of you and supporting you. I hope you'll feel better soon.

ebony panther said...

Ditto to what Johanna said. Also, you & Rob have been online together for a very long time. It's not like you guys met 3 weeks ago. Your problems with bf have been around for a while but I see nothing wrong with what you've done or are doing. There's no ring on the finger, after all. Contact is good but don't feel bad or guilty if it's online.

Lady Alexia said...

I understand about what you have said about the online contact and what happens when you do not get what you need and the cravings. Being TransGender I am a messed up bucket of emotions on most days. In real life I have never had sex. Online, I get to be loved and fucked and be with girls and guys. I think at times I have found someone that will do the things I crave and when it does not happen it hurts and frustrates. I crave it though, that form of intimate contact. Too much can tire you out Sweetie. Just try and pace the online stuff if it is dragging you towards depressive areas. I will send goods thoughts out into cyber space for you.