Monday, June 13, 2011

coming down.

The anxiety is wearing off. Whether that's because I got a much needed cyber smack in the back of the head from Rob telling me to pull myself together, or whether it's because I went out with friends for dinner (although I doubt it since they had me talking about london non stop). Or because I vented on here and got input or because the weekend is ending and work will take over my time again tomorrow. I'm also exhausted, anxiety and panic wears a person out. It's probably a combination of everything. Luckily, though, this type of crisis doesn't happen too often.

When they do take over, I feel like I'm going crazy, my mind starts working at an unstoppable rate. It's a horrible feeling. I just have to learn to ride it, figure out what I need to do in these situations. I painted today to see if it would pass, I finished the painting, but the feeling didn't pass. Probably getting out with friends would help more, but I don't have much of a selection that I can just call up at will. Today I was lucky.

I feel like I should apologize. I feel like a bit of a freak when I get overwhelmed like this. My reactions are all off, I can't think straight, I end up writing stupid things and risk doing stupid things. I really do need someone to give me a nice smack. I wish my best friend back home could have helped me today. She'd have been good at that but she had to work.

Anyhow, sorry for the freak show, and thanks for listening and helping.


John said...

Nothing to apologise for, we all get overwhelmed by things in our lives and what sort of friends sit back and do nothing to help, shallow ones that's what!

You are blessed by having people that will listen to you and not judge you and care.

Anonymous said...

What happened was not a freak show; it was a reasonable response to a very difficult situation. We all have those moments of doubt and panic and you are right they just need to be worked through. I am glad you are getting past the worst.

Take care and don't beat yourself up over what we all think - we all just hope that you are happy in your life.

Purple x

Green Eyed Frenchy said...

Why should you apologize? This is your space, and you have people who care and try to give you advice. We've all been through these moments at one point in our lives, and you are in our thoughts. Hoping you'll feel better with a busy mind.

Johanna said...

Don't apologize... we've all been there, more than once. I'm glad to hear things are a bit better.

ebony panther said...

Everybody's entitled to freak out every now and then. Considering all you've been through, I'm surprised it didn'd occur sooner. Glad things are becoming clearer.

Advizor54 said...

As the others have said, you have no need to apologize. If you can't be honest here, what's the point?

You are wise enough to realize, that you, "risk doing stupid things" when you are in this state of mind. Knowing that allows you to ride it out without acting out.

When this mood takes over remind yourself that it will pass, that waiting is the best reaction to every decision, and that you will clear up and see things in perspective sooner than later.

We all have moments where we feel that rushed feeling of imminent danger, where all decisions must be made NOW! Few decisions are improved by rushing things. You stop, wait, breathe, and wait some more, and then write about it. Your council of friends will chime in, we'll vote on it while you aren't listening, and then tell you what to do. That's what friends are for.

Ethan Lambert said...

You don't owe us an apology. Besides the fact that we all seem to be deeply invested in your personal life, this is your personal space that you allow us to follow. It's the DIARY of an Online Stripper, not just the entertaining parts of the life of an online stripper.