I was busy getting things ready for bf's mum and sister this morning, rolling around on my wheelie chair to keep off my swollen foot, when I decided to text my friend about her apartment to see if it was still free.
It's strange how we (or maybe just I) tend to picture things for the future. I was so sure about that apartment that I was already picturing myself in it working, making art, being up late on projects.
She's rented it.
Just another complication in a sea of difficulties.
Now I have to figure out how to search for an apartment (in a very small town) without bf finding out for the time being...
My morale is a bit down now. I was banking on that so much, I was sure it would be free. She said it would be free until Christmas. *insert pouty face here*
I talked to my best friend yesterday who brought up different aspects of breaking up with bf, things to expect and things to think about. I was sort of feeling cold and distant from the problem to the point that I just wanted to get it over with, but now, when she tells me she just wants to hug me, I get tears in my eyes. I want to keep my distance. I don't want to feel emotional about this. I want to be able to be cool and calm and emotionally detached when I explain things to him, but at this rate, I won't be.
My best friend offered for me to stay in Canada where she is, take a 6 month sabbatical and just do art. It's so tempting.... The art community where she is is extremely supportive. I witnessed that when I went to visit her.
I could totally see myself living there and teaching art in one of the schools, teaching what I teach here even to adults. I could start importing materials. I'd miss the sea, the long summers, and I'd hate the long cold winters. It snows a lot there.
When I think about all that I want to cry. Tears well up and I wish I had her closer.
Enough of that....
I need to concentrate on now.