Sunday, October 2, 2011

Strange event, tears and Rob.

Strange event I just remembered:

So while my sister was visiting we went up to see my neighbour's apartment. He's OCD and has this amazing apartment that looks like it's out of an architects digest. It's very spartan. This is not the point.

While we were there we were sitting up in his attic chatting, he, my sis, bf and I. And he turns to Bf and says "when Cande leaves you,  you can come live here."
I laughed immediately... everyone did, but I stopped him and said "Hey! you said when, not if?"
And he just nodded and said "yeah, WHEN, not IF"

.... I mean what's up with that?!?

I haven't told anyone here about any of this. He shouldn't know. Maybe he just senses it.

Or maybe bf and he have talked.

I talked to my dad today. I cried. I think it's because telling people that I'm going separate makes it more real, and it gives me the sensation that I can't go back on my words. I've told them that I want out and now if I don't get out they'll ask questions and I don't have answers to those questions.

This is the first time I've told anyone about breaking up, apart from the blog of course. Only one person is sad about it, the others are happy for me and think it's the right thing. My sister is the only one who expressed doubts. She likes bf. But to tell the truth if she knew what he thinks of her, she wouldn't like him as much.

I talked to Rob briefly yesterday. It was super short... ok... maybe not THAT short. It was a 30 minute call.
We just chatted about the break up, and my foot and lanolin.... yeah I was working with sheep's wool yesterday. Anyhow it was nice. When I don't see him for a long time, it's so nice to see and hear him. He was looking damn good too.
There are things I'm curious of. Things I wonder about him and his relationship. He rarely talks about it, unless I ask specific questions. I may have asked him before if he feels like he's in love with his gf. But I still wonder what level he is at with her.
I think he has kept on with me because I'm so different from his gf. Perhaps the artistic side of things, perhaps the fact that I validate or inspire his creative side at times.

He called me brave. Which I found sweet and made me emotional, but I didn't let on.

Nothing really sexual was exchanged, there was no time for it. Nonetheless yesterday, after that, I was horny as hell and got myself off three times.


ebony panther said...

Sometimes, it's easy for people to see what's going on, even when you think they can't.
Sorry you couldn't spend more time with Rob. I'm also sorry that we haven't had an HNT from you in months. I know how life can take over, though. I just hope that you're happy and secure in yourself soon and moving on with the life I know you want to live. Life's way too short to be unhappy.

Advizor54 said...

While we can't live our life based on our inner-circle's opinion polls, a lot of people, as Ebony mentions, see things that we don't want to see or admit to ourselves.

Your friend's comment was interesting as he assumed the topic had already come up between you and BF. That shows how much he believed in what he was saying.

And there is power in telling other's what you plan on doing, it helps you clarify your thinking based on their response, and it makes you accountable down the line in case you don't take action.

It's good you got a few minutes with Rob, and yes, 30 min is very short for certain calls.

DOG3OY said...

Wooo Hooo !!

you got off

sorry, just trying to see the upside of your weekend :)