I have been calm, with moments of despair, but this evening or tomorrow the conversation will take place. I am hoping for tonight as I want to get it over with.
I still don't know what I will say or how I will say it. I have never had an experience like this with the language, I do not know what is tactful. I trust that my English reasoning will work though.
I feel sad, I feel ok about it, I am scared shitless, but I will go through with it.
I have realized another thing, another reason to leave. Within this relationship I have lost my strength. He makes me weak. When we travel it is the opposite, I am strong and he is weak because of the language and my experience as a traveller.
I want to be strong again.
I have been insatiable these days, getting myself off three four times a day. I'm guessing it's the stress. I wish Rob were around, sometimes I get to thinking he is the only one who can... fill the need.