Friday, October 7, 2011


I caught my neighbor on skype today, the one that surprised me with that sentence while my sister was here. I asked him why he said "when cande leaves you..." instead of "if". We ended up chatting on skype a minute but then I realized it would be better to talk in person so I went up to his apartment and we talked.

His basic answer was that he sensed something was up, he sensed it around the time I went to greece. We talked openly about relationships and he has a few interesting theories.
One is that the body protests with illness when we don't do what we really want. And he has been dropping hints since I've met him that all my health problems are due to my inability to "grow" or move forward.

He formed two circles with his fingers and demonstrated two entities, moving together, moving forward, until one feels that it should move faster and the other circle gets left behind. The two circles are somewhat flexible, as if they have an elastic between them, but eventually if the lagging circle can't move forward, then the other ends up getting caught and stagnating.
It's exactly how I've been feeling.

He sees me as inhibited. He didn't say it clear and simple but he let on that he thinks I need to move on.
I told him that changes were coming and without saying it up front, I let on that I would leave bf.

I spent an hour there and I gained further confirmation that I'm doing the right thing.

He even told me the exact moment he felt that something was up... right around the trip to Corfu. So I explained the corfu mess and, things started to tumble out, I told him how things went, almost completely honestly, telling him that nothing had happened. But I did explain what Co-worker told me at the airport.... that he was in love with his girlfriend that he didn't want anything to happen, but that if something did happen we're both adults and we're capable of dealing with it".
Guess what my neighbour said?.... he said that it was a "diplomatic/tactful" way of saying that he liked me! hah.... I guess that's the Italian male mentality for you... I would never have caught on. And I told my neighbour that. I told him that I'd interpreted it as more of a "don't jump on me I don't want anything to happen" type statement.

In any case he assured me that he'd keep his mouth shut... he may not. I don't really care, things are moving quickly for me, and my mind is made up at this point. One more person knows... and it's just my way of making things more solid. He said that if I needed anything to let him know. I now have one person I can lean on HERE.... I needed that.

I Hobbled back down the stairs and burst into tears when I closed the door behind me.

I was at the hospital waiting for my CAT scan results as I was writing this, I'm now at home. I haven't spoken to my doctor yet about the diagnosis, I won't be able to talk to her until Monday or Tuesday, but it seems that there is a fibroma in my foot. I don't know if that's what's causing me the apin, but we'll see. Today the pain is almost gone. It disappeared as quickly as it came. I unfortunately got the CAT scan done when my foot wasn't swollen or inflamed so now I have to figure out what the cause was.

What's important is that the pain is almost gone.


Advizor54 said...

It's good that you are coming to more concrete decisions, and, that as you told your neighbor about it, you were more convinced, not less. As it becomes real in your head, you'll be able to talk to your BF with more confidence and fewer tears.

And, I'm glad your foot is feeling better.

John said...

Likewise glad to see your foot is getting better, as for you being inhibited, I would say from what I read here restricted is more the case, just my 2 cents. Have a fun weekend!