Drowning

The dream of him was superb last night. I could taste him on my tongue. He had been inside me, and I could taste the both of us. I don't remember ever tasting anything in a dream.

We played again today. Online of course. We had a long conversation before getting to the physical stuff. Things were said, things that were hard to understand, not because they were complicated words. But because it's hard to tell if he's being serious or just "playing with my head". I hope, I think, he may not be playing... he's testing the waters to see if he'll get scalded.

Things got nicely physical. With ice and cold water, dripping down my chest, onto my stomach and down into my panties. Drops of ice-water on my nipples making them hard. The ice-cube gliding over my clit making me moan. "Slide it inside" he said before standing up and leaving me naked on the bed to watch a solid wood door for a while.

The neighbor almost walked in. FUCK.
He was definitely a mess when he came back, perhaps even an understatement.
"I'll put my clothes on" I said.
"No, Make me hard again" he said.

We both came. It was fast. We didn't need to try. We didn't want to drag it out.

"I hate myself again. This needs to stop. It's getting out of control."

"We will stop if you want to stop (as much as it hurts me to say it), I don't want you to hate yourself for this."

Heart in my throat.
"let me know, It'll kill me not to know"

I don't want it to stop. The physical end is the least for me. I can live without that part. I don't want to lose this, him, the intimacy, the honesty...

It's not fair to him is it? or to the other her, or to the other him.

I'm selfish aren't I.