I was talking to my best friend back home. She has been through a bunch of crap recently. Her husband (my ex) is bi-polar and has always had a lot of problems. He hasn't had a job in about 11 years. After yet another horrible event in her life, with him as the protagonist I started asking her if it was worth it. And once I forced her to analyze her situation, I felt compelled to analyze my own.
I came back to her a few weeks later telling her about how things were going with Rob, seeing as she's the only one that knows about him. And I started telling her that I really couldn't understand why it is that I keep looking for something external when in reality there's nothing wrong with my relationship.
From the outside everything seems perfect. If any of our friends had to comment on our relationship they'd say that it's ideal really. What I don't understand is why I feel like I should give up on it if there's nothing wrong with it.. I wouldn't even have a "reason" to break up with my bf.
What would I tell him?
"Oh sorry, I just don't think it's working."
"Ummm because you don't slap me around enough when we have sex..."
I just don't see that happening. Or maybe it would go something more like this:
"I'm not happy in this relationship"
"How could YOU not be happy in this relationship?? I do all the cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping!!"
Yeah. He'd be right too. I don't do anything to help out. Then again he doesn't work and I do. But that's not an excuse.
I don't seem to have any footholds here. I mean I'd be skating on thin ice to try to break up without motive. And people would shoot me for giving up a guy who cooks amazing Italian food and cleans for me.
Sometimes I feel like it's the only way out though, the only way to keep moving. I feel like things are getting stagnant. There's no real motivation to move forward.
No marriage in sight, no house, no children... Not that I've decided I want children mind you. But I wouldn't mind seeing some kind of progress in the direction of a normal relationship.
After 11 years, you'd think there'd be some progress.
The excuses on his part? (And I totally understand this but it's not emotionally enough to satisfy me)
We don't have the money to buy a house. Or to get married. Or to have kids.
Since he doesn't work he doesn't have a long term contract to be able to trade in for a mortgage. I have never had a long term contract. I'm a freelancer, so I officially don't have credit. No contract in Italy, no credit.