Friday, April 8, 2011

late night meanderings in the mind

I think it was about bf and I not having sex... It was something about being resentful. I realized, I think, that bf tends to be resentful about having sex with me when I start things because he thinks that I only enjoy myself when I initiate. It's not something I'm making up either. It's something he told me once. I obviously told him it wasn't the case. But I must show some discomfort or lack of interest maybe when he initiates in the first phases, in the foreplay, because often it just doesn't do it for me. So I get the feeling that he may be subconsciously not interested if I try initiating. I wonder if that's the problem...


Advizor54 said...

I love it when she initiates things, I love to know that she is ready and thinking about it. I like getting that e-mail, "Are you on Skype?", or a name that pops up in my chat window followed by a short little IM.

When I was doing all the initiating I was also getting all the rejection so we had to discuss it. She's a bit better now at getting started, but she still turns it over to me once we hit the sheets.

I want to know that you are into it is as much as I am. Maybe he needs more feedback after he initiates?

Johanna said...

For me this is a real problem, but it's a different situation since my husband doesn't really attract me, sexually. We have sex anyway but we both realized that him initiating doesn't work very well for me, I just can't get in the right mood and either don't enjoy myself or end up rejecting him. So we have an agreement: I do the initiating. Luckily he thinks it's really hot when I do, and I too enjoy being able to work up to it at my own pace, so the arrangement works pretty well for both of us. I know this is not how it "should" be done in a healthy marriage, and clearly I'm not in a position to give advice, just saying that who initiates can make a big difference and I think you're on to something.