On Edge.

It's been coming on for a few days. But today (hopefully) is the height of it (and the last of it).

Here's why:

1) I've been super horny the past few days. It's so bad I don't know what to do with myself. I really can't do anything that will ease the sensation.

2) Last night I went to the theatre to watch a friend of mine on stage. He's in this little drama club directed by co-worker. So I really went there to see them both. Bf didn't come. I caught a ride with an ex student of mine and her hubby.
Her hubby has connections to bf's old job and that in itself put me on edge. I think he's a bit of a jerk.

3) I caught co-worker at half time during the play and had a chat. He was busy and ran off to co-ordinate the actors. Then I caught him again at the end of the play and congratulated him on the good job they did. The evening started well and ended well, it was funny. I really enjoyed it. But I had created this stupid scenario where I'd not get the same ride back home, but I wanted to get a ride home with someone else and spend some time with the crew and (especially) co-worker. But that obviously didn't happen.

4) I woke up this morning hoping to go into work to get about a half hour's work done quickly. This evening I've got guests for dinner and I wanted to get home late morning to prepare a dessert. But the girl who was supposed to sit and help me get my work done was really distracted and it took me 3 hours to do what should have taken 30 minutes. It pissed me off because I don't get paid for what I do when I go in like that.

4b) I didn't get a dessert made and I feel guilty about it. I wish I could have prepared something. I will have to pick up some ice-cream later.

4b) I did however get to see co-worker and at one moment this morning I was almost overwhelmed feeling really lucky to be working in such a cool environment with such cool people. That was before I realised it was going to take me 3 hours to get my work done. I got home a half hour later than I normally do.

5) The boss pissed me off this morning... and I just didn't want to deal with anyone (with the exception of co-worker of course) by the end of the morning.

6) I am feeling needy,lonely and in need of petting, romance and love but it's lacking unfortunately. I know, it's just hormones and I'm really just emotional and as my best friend said, I may be a little ADD and need constant adrenaline... so when it's lacking I feel like I'll go stir crazy.

7) The other thing that is tolling on me is that I'm fighting off my emotions around the London thing... I need to get more distance... I need to back away a little more... So I'll be laying off and trying not to think about it... the recent booking of my hostel had me thinking about it way too much.

I'm trying to cool off... but this dinner also has me on edge... I'm sure it'll be fun. But it's always stressful.
Luckily the weather is amazing, spending time outside is a definite, and I just need space or something... or maybe a good hard fuck... ugh.