Sunday, April 17, 2011

Here's what happened.

How was it you ask?

Well it was more than I was expecting, yet a lot less than what you probably think.

So it started with a radio recording for a web-station the music was amazing, but interspersed with boring conversations and interviews. There wasn't enough music. No-one I knew was there luckily. I spent the whole hour sitting next to co-worker, co worker in the middle and Andy (the same guy from the other concert) on the other side, but all I could think of when the music wasn't playing was that I wanted to touch him. But I had no reason to. 

The reality of the situation was that there were two concerts. The second concert started at 10. during the interval we grabbed a drink, I had a gin sour, and they make them strong here. And I was pretty giddy after that. Andy was adamant on going somewhere else so we headed to a little bar/cafe that is basically right next to my place (which was a bit nerve wracking but again no-one I recognised). And we decided to get tequila shots there. By this point there hadn't been any touching, nothing, not even on the same level as work. We talked a lot, had some super interesting conversations about music and languages. We had three rounds of tequila shots, and counting that I had had the gin on top of that I was pretty drunk by the time we walked out. We were headed to the club where we went to the first concert. It's out of town and Andy drove.

I had actually gone back home briefly to park my bike, but since I have a courtyard bf didn't see me or hear me. It was midnight.

We got to the club and there was a concert ending. The dj started, and that's when the touching started... ok so it wasn't anything special. It was just lots of contact for no reason. I was flirting hard with both of them actually. A little less with Andy, but he still had his share of attention. We all got on the dance floor and danced. At one point co-worker and I swing danced a little. We had more tequila at the club too, and I was wasted. There was face touching at one point, he grabbed it with both hands, and looked me straight in the eye and asked me a question that I don't remember. And I caressed his. 

It was all a bit of a blur from all the tequila, I think I must have had 4 or 5 shots of tequila plus the gin sour and a glass of wine with a girlfriend at 7... 

The only really relevant thing happened in the car while they were driving me home. It was all my doing, and I was extremely aware of my choices and actions. I was sitting in the back seat, one arm over each of the two front seats. And I reached around and slid my fingers up co-worker's neck into his hair, back down, and just basically kept running my fingers on his neck. He never looked at me, but his head moved in rhythm with my hand and the skin on the nape of his neck was so soft. If we had been alone I would have kissed him. But we weren't alone. 

Thinking back on it today I'm sure that if I had played it differently, if I were a different type of girl I could have had them both in a bed that evening fucking me. But I'm not that kind of girl... 

They drove me home, it was after 3 when I got home. Bf called me while we were in the car all pissed off asking me if I knew what time it was. 

I was obviously hung over today, I woke up at 9 and didn't get out of bed until 1pm. Bf was furious this morning and we had a massive argument that didn't really end well. There was a lot of yelling, and I think that bf probably figured out that his whole argument wasn't making a lot of sense. But going out until 3 and coming home plastered didn't help at all, obviously. 

I sent a thank you email to both Andy and co-worker, for the ride home and hoping they got home ok, they both live out of town. So they had a long way to go. I just got an answer from Andy saying that we should do it again. 

I am still sitting, I haven't really been able to stay on my feet too long today. I'm exhausted and my hands are shaky. But it was worth it. I'm just kinda sad that things with bf are in the state they are. I'm not sure what is going to come of it all. But we still need to talk things through calmly.


ebony panther said...

Sounds like you had a great time once you let yourself go more. You should be yourself more often.

Johanna said...

I can't see why you going out at night should matter to bf at all, and you obviously have a lot to talk about. In the situation you're in I think you're doing the right thing; you're defining your own boundaries by letting your mind have a taste at alternative scenarios, perhaps more figuring out your feelings for bf than for co-worker. At least that's my interpretation. And I agree with ebony - having fun is always good, whatever comes of it and whatever your reasons.

Advizor54 said...

It sounds like a wonderful time to me. You got out, socialized, flirted a bit, reached out to CW, and I absolutely love the feeling of a woman's hand at the nape of my neck scratching the skin under my scalp. I'm sure he did too.

The BF's anger needs to be explained, by him, as it relates to your future. If he's jealous and ready to make changes to improve things and make you happier, than the anger can have a positive effect (affect?). If he's just jealous for pride, then it's just him ranting.

I'm glad you had a good time... An oh, one more thought. You mentioned that there was less touching at the concert than at work, that's totally normal.

At work there are built in boundaries and a hand on the back or a touch on the arm is dangerous or at least bold. At the concert, the same touch doesn't have a natural stopping point. A hand on the back becomes a hand around the waist, a touch on the cheek becomes a caress which becomes a kiss...

There are different rules for each situation which makes it all more confusing....