contrasts

I came across a couple things today I just can't help posting about.

One is Inna Leonova. She was a gymnast who was supposed to go to the olympics and decided to join the circus instead. I saw her number on television this evening and was blown away by her beauty, sensuality and her strength.

Her "costume" is white, leaving almost nothing to the imagination. In the video I found her hair is cropped very short. however in the clip I saw it was long, past her shoulders and she only let it down at the end.



The second video came up while I was looking for more recent videos of Inna Leonova. Strange how such random things come up. But this must be an old grindhouse flick. I know nothing about it. I haven't done any research on it. But it intrigues me.



Completely different, and even contrasting. But that's me. a split personality ;)

RIGHT...

Icandothis. I'mnotoverworked...Ijusthavetoconvincemyself.

Ok so I had a rough weekend workwise. I'm exhausted. But the light at the end of the tunnel is in sight. I'm actually in pretty good spirits. I'm not sure how long that will last, but it's good for now.

Update on my online life situation:

Rob sent me an email apologizing for not answering my texts or my email. His mother and sister were visiting. He was going to try to meet me online this weekend but didn't come on.

I've got a new one. He's interesting and in a similar situation to mine, relationship wise. We're similar people, interested in the same things. He's cute and he has a great cock. We can talk easily, as if we've known each other for years. And we've played a few times. It was good. I'll probably write a post on it. I just need to find the time. (I've been interrupted 5 times trying to write this one).

I think I'll end it here and get this thing posted before I get interrupted again.

blah

I've been feeling down and there are definitely a variety of reasons why.

I've been under a lot of stress due to work. This week has been intense and it won't let up until at least Tuesday. I will be working the whole weekend, including two translations and some physical work on Sunday, which will be hell since it's so hot (35° C), the place I'll be working isn't well ventilated so it's a sauna.

I'm also down because I haven't heard from Robby in a while and I'm wondering if things are dwindling (as I always do when I don't hear from him). I seem to notice a lack of communication of any kind from him. He stopped reading my blog too. But I could just be paranoid or maybe if it is true, if I'm not imagining things, then it's probably destiny, the way it should be.

I just have a hard time letting go. But anyone who follows this blog would know that. I tend to be a whiner and complainer and I've said it all before. I hate repeating myself.

Then there's my health which hasn't been at it's best recently. Summer is usually pretty good for me. But the tail end of this one has gotten me a bit down. Nothing serious, just annoying.

Right... smile....think happy thoughts....to work!!

shadows

A dark room, just enough light to cast an almost eerie glimpse of shapes and textures. Shadows exaggerating contours. Skin is visible in a blue gray tinge, making everything look cold and perfect like a statue. You talk to me, whispering in my ear, breathing down my neck. That hot and humid breath I want to drink, that intoxicates me. It is forbidden to make noise, to remove clothes, there is another person present, a person who can't know, who shouldn't know. But things are seen none the less, things are said in silence. I'm wet for you, wanting more of you and you're telling me things I want to hear. You press against me, pull me closer and make me do what I want done. You make me touch myself in places I want you to touch, you make me want you more. When are you going to take me?

Rocco my man

I'm not huge on posting links to porn, but I couldn't resist on this one. Now for those of you who may not know, Rocco Siffredi is an Italian porn star. His cock is huge and amazing. I like the way he treats his porn sluts and you just have to love his accent.

This video got me wet and moaning with an orgasm all in the first minute.

Rocco Siffredi

HNT blues.

It's my favourite blue set. Corsets always turn me on. They're tight, constricting, and push things into the right places.

Filling Empty Holes

What does it feel like to have every hole filled, pussy, ass, mouth, cock in each hand, a cock being stroked in front of my eyes, hands all over me, mouths on my breasts, sucking hard on my cherry nipples? All of them reaching into the shadowy depths of my body, into the soul and secrets of those hidden places. Discovering what demons or angels they bring out in me. What sounds will come out of me? Will I feel everything or will some things overpower others? Will the sensations weave around each other, pulsing into consciousness with the pounding of each member? Or will each sensation be clear and distinct? Feeling myself being covered in hot jizz, rubbing it into my skin to feel it slip and slide over me. I want to go insane and not know what hit me. Fucked senseless would be the right way to describe what I want.

Conclusions

So last night I talked to the bf about the girl he wanted to invite over to dinner. He was somewhat defensive about it and I didn't want to push the argument. I suggested we invite other people over and instead he said that he'd take her out to a restaurant with another friend of his. I found this almost insulting. I wasn't even sure I could believe my ears so I just left it at that and went to sleep.

This morning I brought it up again, I asked him to repeat what he had told me last night, in case I hadn't heard correctly. What I heard was right and I tried to be very patient. I explained that there have been men that I've met in over the years that I found interesting and good looking but I didn't invite them to dinner expecting him to be happy with my decision. He eventually understood my feelings and we opted for a compromise. We'll go out for a walk in the centre of town or catch an evening concert with some other people. We tried to organize a dinner with some friends but no-one else was available. I can handle that.

Apart from all of that, I don't like her much. She's needy and whiny, indecisive and somewhat pestering. Today she got on my nerves and I'm relieved I won't have to deal with her over a dinner.

As for Rob and the shower-cam it seems that he wasn't available yesterday. It'll have to be for another day. Pity.

I'm also thinking about HNT and wondering what I should do.
I hope I can get something up for tomorrow...

Any requests?

jealousy

Why am jealous of her?

I work with foreigners. People who aren't Italian, speaking from Italy. Since my boyfriend quit his factory job two years ago due to the dangers of working there he has been doing odd jobs around town.

One job is taxiing the foreigners that I work with. He taxis them from nearby airports to the town where I live and work. They are often women, alone. This generally doesn't make me anxious but this week it did.

He came home raving about her. He told me that they spoke a lot during the drive (2 hours long), he said that she knows everything about us, mentioning offhandedly that she's pretty and she travels a lot and that she's been to India, a place we're planning on visiting this winter.

This put me on edge. I met her yesterday, she's not as pretty as I expected, although she has a nice body. curvaceous, straight blond hair, big boobs. I'm not terribly attracted to her face. In fact I'd define her almost ugly. Now don't get me wrong, she's not an ugly woman, I just don't like her aesthetically. Now I'm not completely bi, but I do like some women, I feel attracted to some of them, but this is not one of them, she wears entirely too much make-up for my tastes, and I find her invadingly too nice. I'm also honest enough that if it had been a beautiful woman I would have said so. There's another young woman this week who is gorgeous. I'd even fuck her. She's young though.

This evening my bf told me that he wants to invite her to dinner. I'm not exactly wild about the idea. In reality I'd rather avoid the whole thing. I don't mind going out, especially with other people involved, but to invite her to eat at our place... um no.

I'm supposed to invite her tomorrow. ugh. I didn't have the courage or the heart to tell him that I don't want to invite her. I'll probably find the courage though, I feel pretty strongly about it. Or maybe I'll suggest we invite other people too.

He also has to drive her back to the airport on Saturday. That bugs me too.

shiny new things.

I want to try new things.

The thought of two men entering me arouses me immediately. Especially if one fucks me from behind and the other fucks my face. Just having fingers in my mouth while I get fucked turns me on. I can't imagine how I would feel with a whole cock in there. I'd like to try DP too. I'm just not sure I can handle it.

I like anal when it's done well. Slow and calm. Relax, slide in, bit by bit, and when all the muscles are relaxed then things can start to go faster. My Bf and I occasionally do anal. I consider it a bit of a exceptional gift to give. I've really enjoyed it only a handful of times. Once I even reached orgasm. I need to have the perfect combination of stimuli to the clit otherwise it won't work.

Today I want to have a shower on cam for Robby. I'm not sure if it'll work out. But I would like to try.

Sucking the Bucket

Bladder infections suck the bucket.

I got one late last night. I drank 4 litres of water in about 2 hours along with a much cherished carton of cranberry juice (we can't get it here, it's rare). I thought it was done, over, cleared up. I woke up this morning feeling horrible and went to work anyhow. For some reason I almost lost my voice this morning, which is a problem, if I don't have a voice I don't work. Went home and realized I had a low fever, I downed another 4 litres of water and an antibiotic.

I'm starting to feel better. My head is still aching, but fever seems to be down again.

I wish I could play. I'm still horny, I just can't play. :(

On the up side I caught Rob on line today. It was short but fun. I told him that I wanted to play a new game on line. It's a surprise and I'll definitely be posting about it as soon as it happens.
I joked about us hitting new levels when we cyber on line, like a game. He mentioned that the next level was the hardest. It's the level where we really fuck.
Is he up for it? Yes.

Lives of Others

I have stumbled into the lives of a few new people recently.

Today on Justchat I picked up a few hoping to get someone interesting. After a few trial and errors (mostly guys with no cam, pretending to have one) I found a nice guy. It started out tame. I like the initial tease. The subtle conversation before the storm. He showed me his pets, we talked about work. It was a slow build up.
Then I told him that I wanted him to take control, he just kept grinning at me. That was my cue.
I teased him, showed him... today I was feeling generous, I usually don't strip down completely on the first cam date. But I did for him. Maybe I was just too horny.
I liked him, because he was cute and seemed genuine, honest and fun.

Life n.two was a guy I met a while back on Justchat. He had no cam at the time, we exchanged pictures and I usually don't go for that kind of thing, but I waited it out. He got a cam. And sure enough we played today. It was the same routine as above. I let him take charge.

Often I like to play games, tease, and taunt even. But recently I feel the need to be dominated and used. So I guess that's what's happening on msn too.

I have to admit that I like new people on cam, but I prefer guys who know me better. Know what I like, what I want to hear, what turns me on. I like guys who are vocal, who speak about what they want to do to me, their fantasies on my skin.

The third life was an email I found in my in-box today from an anonymous reader. He seems very eloquent and I'm enjoying the flirt. I'm not sure where it's going, but I'm intrigued for now.

The fourth life was another email, this time from a fellow blogger. It was a simple greeting and invite. We'll see where that takes me.

I'm also happy to say that Rob dropped by today on msn to say hello quickly while his gf was upstairs. It was quick, but just enough to give me a giant grin.

Boney

Alright something has to be said about this!



First of all, apart from the obviously sexual name of the band, did you notice his amazing spastic dancing? Totally worthy of "Soul Train". If you don't know "Soul Train" please look it up on Youtube, I was enlightened by my sister recently. I am now a devoted fan.

Secondly, did you notice the singer with the stethoscope around her breasts? She has an orgasm halfway through the song!?!?!

His pants are epic. They are suuuper tight at the top, like a corset. Oh and they come up to his chest, and then they gradually taper out to be massive bellbottoms!!

Now THAT is music!!

Heads up for Boney M.

Make me gag

I'm horny as hell again and I've been having good sex with the bf recently.

I had a pretty good cyber moment with Chicken today. He told me all about what he wanted to do to me. Pull my hair, force his cock into my mouth, make me gag on his huge cock head in my throat, make me suck his balls, tie me up, bend me over, spank me. He said that I'd stretch his imagination. He called me a dirty bitch, and I liked it.... it turns me on, just like being called a slut does too.

I want to be used and abused (all within reason of course).

Bf doesn't seem to get how much I want to be forced around. I've tried to tell him, hinting at it, but he's too shy I think. He got the spanking bit, but that's about it. I even tried to convince him to take pics of us fucking. But he said no. I'll try asking him again, or just bring the camera myself.

He's out for the day today, so I'll have lots of time to play.
Rob doesn't seem to be around, I'm not sure if he's on holiday or what, but he hasn't answered any of my text messages since I was on holiday.

I might have to go on to justchat to see what I can find. No-one is around to play when I've got the time and I'm this horny.

Belated HNT

Seeing as i was too tired and bf was home on Thursday when we got back from Croatia, I thought I'd post some HNT pics today. In the top there are some tan lines visible. I posted two again. I can never decide which one to post I always do a few to see which is best.

Sex in alternative places.

I've got a crush on lists at the moment so I'm going to write a list of places I've had sex and done other sexual acts.

-I gave an over the jeans hand job in a church once.
-Had sex in a forest, on the ground. Not comfortable.
-Had sex on a tropical beach at night. Sand gets everywhere and chafes, not to mention the sand flies that ate me alive, not fun.
-Had sex on a total stranger's boat, he wasn't there, we sneaked on to the deck.
-Had sex in my mother's garage.
-Had sex on a table (various times)
-Had sex on a beach in public, during the day, with beach towel, less sand chafing.
-Had sex in a car (various times) generally not a comfy thing.
-Had sex in the sea.
-Had sex in a rubber row boat
-Had sex in a wildlife watch tower.
-Had sex on a wooden dock at night, with falling stars, (it would have been romantic if the guy hadn't been such a jerk).

I think that's it... how boring is that? haha
I think I need to write another list of where I'd like to have sex.

-On a plane
-On a dryer or washing machine during the spin cycle.
-In a church, in the confessional
-in a garage up against a car.
-Any place public
-A castle
-An elevator
-In a room full of mirrors
-At a concert
-In an orgy
...I'm not feeling very imaginative today...

Any suggestions?

Home

I'm finally back.

We had a very nice holiday. It was four days of almost total and utter isolation camping. No running water or bathrooms, just the sea, a tent and some other people around... haha, Europe is crowded, you're never alone.

The next 6 days were spent in a tiny fishing village on the coast of Croatia, It was super small not even an internet cafe. So alas no internet.

I got to a larger town on Thursday and published the scheduled posts that didn't post for a reason I understood and kicked myself for later. I had been using the European date system and not the American one. So I had the month where the day should be and vice versa.

I got to swim with a wild dolphin, he didn't come too close, but I managed to get a good look at him with my mask for about 5 minutes as he swam about playing with fish. He didn't look too hungry, he was just chasing them around. It was probably the most spectacular part of my trip.

The sunsets were amazing I'll have a pic or two to show if it's not too boring.

It's nice to be back. I did miss everyone here and Rob... but I survived ;)

A List

What turns me on.

-Holding a stranger's gaze sends a wave of butterflies into my stomach.
-a touch on the neck.
-a brush of a strand of hair.
-a massage
-a tease
-slow deep kissing
-music
-drawing
-watching people draw
-tight clothes
-the heat
-short skirts
-nipples
-sucking nipples
-sucking cock
-tasting myself
-tasting sweat
-licking
-ice-cream
-lolly-pops
-erotic dancers
-breasts
-latex
-high heels
-spanking
-anything in any hole
-fingers
-eyes
-back and spine
-ass
-rips in jeans
-art
-writing
-reading
-thinking
-intelligence
-games
-teasing
-more teasing
-did I mention teasing?

Sex From the Past IV

When I was around 15, I was seeing a guy that I had quite a bit of experience with. He broke me in, but not with his cock. He had long agile fingers, and one evening in the back seat of his parents' car, (with his mother and father in the front), he fondled me until he broke the hymen. I bled a little, I had no idea I had just lost my virginity to his hand.

I also gave my first blow-job to the same guy. He asked me to go down on him, so I did. It was the very first time I had actually seen cock. I laughed. (oops). Not the greatest thing to do to a young guy. I thought it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. It was just...strange looking. He was obviously self conscious, but I carried out my deed. All went well after that. I also apologized for laughing and explained the situation. He forgave me.

The year after that I met my first official boyfriend. We were together for a year. I was 16 and he was 18. It wasn't legal. But both our parents were at ease with the situation. I was fairly open with my parents and eventually my mother asked if I was having sex and I said no, but that we would probably soon. And I asked her to take me to a clinic o get birth control pills. I started sleeping at his house and we had set up a nice evening to have sex for the first time together. Candles and all. He had never used a condom before, and I was on birth control that was making me throw up every morning. He couldn't get the condom on. He was embarrassed to say the least and got frustrated but he managed and the sex was mediocre. At this point, I still hadn't had a single orgasm induced by another person yet.

I honestly don't remember my first orgasm with another person. I think it must have been with this last guy. But really it wasn't that memorable. Perhaps I had had so many self induced ones already that I didn't pay much attention to it.

When I broke up with my first official bf I went to Mexico for a month with my sister. I was still 16 and she was about 22 and we were both wild. We drank, smoked pot and had sex with just about anyone we met. I think I "limited" myself to about four guys on the trip. The first was a freaky Italian guy. He refused to use protection and I ended up having to take the morning after pill ( had gone off the pill for making me thow-up)... although he never came close to cumming, I got away asap when I realized he didn't have a condom on.
He was HUGE though. I remember him having to lift me way up to get me down his shaft. He must have been 7 or 8 inches long.

Another guy had a stamina that was incredible. Too much in fact. I came and just wanted it to end. I think it was about 2 hours long... I was drunk and couldn't really handle it. My sister was also in the room. We didn't really have any problems, she did her thing, I did mine, in about the space of a closet.

The other two were special, I didn't have sex with either of them. One was from NY and I was in love with him. I honestly fell for him. I have thought about him, and looked him up a few times, but i never knew his last name.

It sounds superficial but I fell in love with the other one too. I still wonder where he is. We kept in touch via regular post for a week and then I never heard from him again. But He wrote me poetry and love letters.

I think he may have become a short film producer.

Sex From the Past III

My first experience with a boy sexually was when I was about 13. At my junior high school we had two temporary gymnastics instructors come to teach. They both flirted like hell with the girls in the classes. One was quite cute, the other was fun but less attractive (in my eyes).

I kept pretending to have problems with my cartwheel and the cute one would continue to help me. Then, I'm not sure how it happened, but he eventually invited me to his apartment. I was pretty excited about the idea. I had only ever kissed a guy once or twice before and this one wanted me at his place, he was about 18 or 19 and lived with his other instructor friend.

I decided to accept, and I asked my best friend if she could come with me. I didn't want to risk anything stupid happening. We somehow organized the whole thing and went over.

Nothing happened there. It was a totally bland afternoon except for the minor understanding of who this guy was. He had a strobe light and a mirror on the ceiling.

A few weeks later, we got in touch again, and he ended up inviting himself over to my place while my mother was away.

This time he got his way. Again nothing serious. Dry humping was all he got. I wouldn't let him take off his boxers although I was down to just my undies. nothing else on. It hurt more than anything, I didn't really enjoy the experience. It just kinda chafed. I was afraid and worried more than aroused.

The next experience was with a guy I really liked. Sometime around the year after. I had gone up to his cabin with some friends of mine and we managed to grab some space to ourselves when no one noticed. We fondled, he was an amazing kisser, and this was the first time I touched cock or had someone touch me. I was really enjoying it when his sister walked in on us and immediately called us to attention and outside. I'm not sure what would have happened if we had been left on our own.

I still remember my reaction to having touched him... I smelled my hand. Nothing. No overtly strong smell. Not like touching pussy. I washed my hands and made my way outside.

the night

The night
dreaming
of the scent of you
on my skin
leaving your touch
your breath
your electricity
imprinted into my being
feeling you inside me
sliding in and out of my body and mind
slipping through the holes that give you space
how could I forget a night like this
a night that keeps me wanting
burning
lusting
waiting
for that touch
that breath
that electricity

The Concert pt. II

His hands slid over her waist, pulling her towards him, pressing her against himself. She could feel him grow and shift under the layers of skirt and shorts. His breath was closer now, she could feel it on her neck and knowing he could probably hear, she moaned in delight of the feeling growing behind her.

His hands started to wander over her body, exploring her ribs, and hips. Adventuring over her back and spine. Brushing over her neck, moving her hair from her shoulder. Her hands were over her head again, giving him the opening to run his hands down her arms and over her breasts. Her nipples were hard and erect, he could feel them through the thin fabric of the tank.

He moved his hands towards the back of her tank again, playing with the string, sliding his hands in between and finally around the sides to her breasts. She wanted more, she guided his hands to her nipples and helped him pinch her. Her head moved back, and she groaned to him.

His hands moved away slowly, teasing her a little, flicking her nipples as he left. They slid down, over her hips, and down to her bare thighs, from the sides around to the front, just under the hem of her skirt. He pulled hard, ramming himself into her grinding into her skirt making it lift slightly. She could feel he was harder now, she could feel his size, and bulk. It pressed in between her cheeks and she was already dripping. Her thong slippery wet. Her hand moved down to meet his, sliding down his forearm feeling his heat. And again she guided him to her wet thong. She moved his fingers over it, letting him feel how wet the thin material was. And this time she could hear him let out a moan of pleasure.

She let go of his hand. She gave him his freedom. Under her skirt, one hand on the side of her ass, pulling her towards him, the other where she left it, planted in the wet fabric, moving slowly to the rhythm of the music over her clit. Her skirt was lifted on either sides but the pleats allowed it to fall both front and back, leaving little to see for people who might glance.

His hand moved from her clit towards the back, she could feel him searching for the string in between her cheeks. He found it and ran his finger under it, pulling it out of her perfect crack. His finger made its way back down to her wetness and she arched her back ever so slightly, giving him more.

his finger hooked around the thong, prodded her wetness, gliding with ease over her clit, around her lips and deep inside her making her shiver. He moved in time with the music, pumping her slowly but deep. His other hand was wrapped around her ribs, pressing her against his chest. His face was planted in her hair, cradled in her neck, and he moaned "I want you" into her ear.
She nodded her head turning her face towards his and said "I want you inside me".

HNTan Lines

Another low res pic.... I can't wait to get my Mac back...

No, I don't wear a thong to the beach. I prefer to keep myself covered up ;)

The Concert pt. I

It was so dark that the only thing visible was a faint light radiating from the stage. The music hadn't started yet but the musicians were on stage. This was one of her favourite bands their music was sensual and encompassing. With a rhythm you could feel in your heart, a rhythm that mimicked the pulsing of blood through veins.

She dressed appropriately for the occasion: a tight backless tank top held together with criss crossing spaghetti straps at the back, no bra, a skirt, schoolgirl style with pleats. Not too short, but short enough.

She wove her way in between the people in the crowd. Making her way towards the stage. It was still dark and the musicians were starting their first song, but the lights were growing stronger, she could see better. She was thankful.

When she found him, she knew right away he was the one. He was standing alone, clearly no one was with him. He didn't see her, he was too concentrated on the stage, tense, bolt straight and staring straight ahead. He was good looking, lean and the perfect height.

The music was slowly getting stronger, heavier and he was being influenced by it. Loosening up, shoulders relaxed, hands in pockets, head moving to the rhythm.

She squeezed through the last few people to get closer to him, and she placed herself in front of him. people were getting more excited, pressing to get closer to the stage, as she had anticipated. They were forced together, almost touching. She could feel his breath on the back of her head, moving her hair slightly. He still didn't seem to notice her there, but she was highly tuned to him. She could feel his every movement affecting the air around her.

She waited patiently, enjoying the music. Then it started, her favourite song. She leaned back ever so slightly, her skirt brushing his shorts. This called his attention, he was obviously aware of her presence. His gaze moved down from the stage to her, but she wasn't looking back towards him. She moved her head slightly as if to look at something far right, just to give him a glimpse of her profile.

He stood still. He was aware of her now, that's what she wanted. The song continued it's heavy base and it got louder, heavier and coming to a climax. She moved to the music, hips pumping, arms above her head and she consciously moved her self back towards him, grinding against his hips. He didn't move, It was a good sign. He hadn't moved away. The next song started, and again she moved back towards him, grinding harder this time, and this time he made his move.

frustrating blog

UGH

What's up with that. I have to apologize again. This time, it's not my fault (at least I don't think it is). This time I scheduled my post, put in date and time, pressed publish and it published it twice in a row in real-time instead of taking the date I inserted! What's up with that??

Anyhow I am now scared to try to post it again, I don't want to clog up everyones reading list.

I'll try again later perhaps.

While I'm here I'll anticipate (apart from the freebie glimpse you all got) what I'll be posting while away.

I've got a two part story. Nothing terribly special. Just another fantasy of mine.
I've got a "sex from the past" III and IV coming too.

That's what I've written so far. I'll try to get some other stuff written before leaving tonight.

**EDIT**

Sorry yet again. I've tried to post a scheduled post again, but alas the problem persists.
I have posted the problem on the message board. But who knows when it'll get noticed.
How utterly annoying-

randomity

I have a few fleeting ideas running through my head for posts, but since they're fleeting I seem to forget them as soon as I think them. I'm sure they'll come back to me, and I'm sure I'll get to them.

I'm on my way to Croatia this weekend for about a week and a half. I'm reluctant to go because I've been on holiday quite a bit this spring/summer and I will probably be taking a painfully expensive trip this winter to meet up with my father and possibly my sister in India.

We will be camping in Croatia so it won't be expensive so to speak, but I am also reluctant to leave because I'm terribly addicted to internet at the moment for a few reasons. There's the blog that I hate to drop for that long, and then there's Rob which I will miss terribly. I've also got the possibility of more translation coming my way... so alas, it will be difficult to cope :(

I've also come across a new online friendship which started with just emails and has progressed to something more. I'm curious. It seems like it will last. I find it strange what lasts and what doesn't on the internet.

I'll try to get some scheduled posts written for while I'm away. A is home a lot and it's hard to find the time to do that. I do write when he's here, but I always feel like I've got to keep looking over my shoulder.

candid cande hnt.

My computer is in the shop being repaired, and I'm left with a teeny tiny little computer with a low res camera on it. sorry for the quality. Maybe it adds to the mystery??

Burning

Recently I've been feeling like something inside me is burning, like I'll catch fire if I'm not careful. Like I need to let it all out. Consume it in any and every way possible. Getting more makes me want more. I want to quench it's thirst, with sex, orgasms, eating, reading, pictures, video, cock, cum... It's insatiable.

I don't want it to stop. I'm loving every minute of it. Every single one of my senses seems to be heightened. Tuned to every minor detail. Every touch, makes hairs stand on end, every thought makes blood run faster. Savoring the sour-sweet taste of strawberries, wine, ice-cream and rich spiced curries for dinner, filling my head with aromas to make it whirl.

I can't get enough.

I want more.

I have been thinking about a film I saw years ago. I have no idea what it was called, I think it was foreign but honestly I don't remember much. If anyone knows the name, please let me know. I remember the plot or part of the plot. It was about a young woman who was so passionate, so sexually aroused that she felt like she was burning. She couldn't quench her desire in any way. She was confused and couldn't understand what it was, she would binge on rich foods and fruit to try to calm the sensation.

Her desire eventually forced her to walk out into the night, remove her nightgown and make love to a random stranger, a hunter in the forest.

It ends with her falling in love with a young man. While the two of them make love in the barn the fire ignites within her and both she and the barn catch fire. Like a match on a haystack.

This is exactly how I feel.

It's Official pt. II

Last night I got the chance to talk to Rob. It was a long chat, from about midnight to 4 am. After the first hour it was like 20 questions. I have so many things I want to know. So I just started asking. There wasn't a specific topic, just random things from favourite places to drugs to movies. I learned that he is a perfectionist. I like that, I tend to be too in many things.

While talking about feelings he mentioned being horny. I wanted to help him, and we started talking dirty, about what he'd like me to do. It was another game. I couldn't make statements, just questions. He wanted me on the floor in front of him sucking his cock, talking slutty to him while he was on the couch. Telling him that I liked how big his cock was, how hard it was, how much I loved it, all while looking into his eyes, and finally telling him, not asking him, to cum for me.

As soon as the one-word-mind-fuck conversation climaxed he told me that he needed to have sex with me. I mirrored the message and he finally said that the only way was for him to fuck me. so that I could find out what he's like, then maybe I'd get over it.
I'm not sure I would.
how long do you want to wait? He asked
To do what?
To fuck me.
I didn't need to think, I answered: as little as possible if you just say the word.
Then there was a pause. I held my breath.
"when can you come over again?"
My heart skipped a few beats.
I told him: as soon as I can find a flight, as soon as I have week off from work, as soon as you want me to.
He said that he might want to make me wait till next year.
I don't mind I can wait.
He mentioned a cold, wet season. And when I asked why, he said so that we could spend a weekend inside, just fucking.

I feel calmer now. The not knowing if he wanted me to come or not was slowly getting to me.

He was still horny. So we decided to turn on the cams. I almost fell over. He was looking gorgeous. A black v neck long sleeve shirt, and a pair of khaki bermuda shorts, and what seemed to be a very clean shave. He climbed onto the armrest of the couch and proceeded to pull his cock out. Just watching him reach into his boxers took my breath away. It's huge. I've seen it before, don't get me wrong, but this time was somehow different. I could see it better in perspective to his body. He was beautiful. I could have sat and watched him until morning.

He brought himself to orgasm for me, while I watched in awe with a beautiful close up of the whole event.

It's Official pt. I

There are two things of note I want to mention today. I will break the two topics into two posts.

The first I should mention is that A and I made up. It was much different than our usual arguments. He's getting good at making up. It used to be that the arguments would drag on for days, weeks or even a month. Not talking to each other. I think I have changed too. I used to hold a grudge. I didn't this time. I was also open to suggestions I suppose. A woke me up the other day and just got me wet, wanting, and then he spanked me. When he came (because I didn't for some reason), he kissed me and said, "sei stata un pò cattiva con me, eh?"- "you were a bit mean with me, weren't you?" and I nodded.

This then led to more sex yesterday. It was amazing. It started on the couch, with the patio doors open, it was really hot outside and in, humid, and overcast, it was starting to drizzle. We tried many positions before I settled on top of him, which is the only way I can get off. I have become intensely aware of my body and sensations recently. It was the research I have done on finding my G-spot. His cock was definitely rubbing against it. It was so hot that it was hard to concentrate on cumming. But then he inserted a finger deep inside my ass and that brought me immediately back to reasoning. I could feel it building, his cock rubbing in just the right spot, I held him tight so that it didn't move a millimeter. We both came almost in unison, and with that a massive downpour outside with lightning and thunder, a true tropical storm. Our climaxes boomed with the storm, I moaned loudly. It was crazy.
I jumped up, the rain was beating down into the house, I scrambled to shut the doors and felt the cold rain on my legs.
I ran to the bathroom for my ritual pee and then grabbed my bathing suit and threw myself into the storm. Letting it wash the heat away, I had felt like I was going to catching fire.

The Ex

There are a whole slew of Exs that I need to get out of my system. What better place than a blog, right?

They were all important to me, but I'm going to start with the most important. The one that still has me aching inside.

We met at a party of a mutual friend. Carl didn't want me, he wanted the girl I was with, a pretty redhead. I'm not sure how, but we hooked up later possibly at another party. I was 18 I think, he was a few years older.

The relationship was amazing, we were in love. There was nothing that could interrupt that love. He was an extremely spiritual and open minded person. I was not, he taught me how to collect energy from the universe and to communicate. He told me, on the first night we had sex that if I didn't open myself to him I could forget the relationship. I didn't hesitate although it was difficult. I had been a very shy person.

We decided to go traveling together, to Mexico. Carl had come into some money and wanted to take me with him. It was a 6 month trip. I turned 19 there. We had a bond that was so strong. We could lock together like two pieces of a puzzle. Him inside me and without moving we could both reach orgasm. It's an amazing feeling being so "right" for each other.

Halfway through the trip he asked me to marry him. He even gave me a ring which I obviously accepted and I told him that I did want to marry him.

Then things started to change. I noticed how he looked at other girls from over the rims of his sunglasses. I noticed how he would masturbate alone which made me feel left out of his sexuality. We had been so connected I didn't think he needed it. But I was wrong. I was jealous of this time to himself.

In Mexico I got sick, maybe my appendix, I'll never know. We had to fly back home. He went back to his house and I to mine. It was a horrible feeling, being separated after being together for so long. I offered him to come to my house to live with me and my dad (who didn't have any problems with that), until we could get an apartment of our own. But I think he felt useless not being able to support me like he did in Mexico. So he refused.

I got a call from him sometime around Halloween. He had seen his ex girlfriend and was attracted to her. He asked me if he could sleep with her. Yes. He actually asked me. He didn't want to break it off, he just wanted to sleep with her and get physical.

I told him that he had to make a decision. He had three days to decide whether he wanted to have sex with her or stay in a relationship with me. I couldn't share. I didn't think it was fair.

Halloween night there was a party at his house. I had to work that evening, it was also the deadline for his answer. I should have been at that party. I didn't hear from him all day, I was a mess. The next day I called his place and talked to his brother. I asked his brother if he knew anything about this Ex that Carl told me about. And his brother answered "There's something you two need to talk about". A sharp pain speared me through the heart and I knew something had happened. I talked to Carl he said that he and his ex had kissed. I actually believed him. Until I talked to his other roommate. She told me that there were condoms involved.

I was furious. I yelled, called him names, insulted him. All over the phone. I hated him for hurting me like that. He didn't try to say he was sorry. He just let it sit as it was. I was too angry for his dishonesty, I probably wouldn't have forgiven him if he had apologized.

To this day I regret not telling him to sleep with her. I could have held on to him with a little sacrifice. He is now married in what was an open relationship (that has now changed). And he now has a son. We are in contact through Facebook, but we don't talk much.

I was scarred by this event. I am terrified at the thought of being cheated on.

I'm such a hypocrite considering what I've done to my bf.

Sex from the Past II

As a child I came in contact with a whole range of sexually active girls, masturbation mostly. I wanted to cite a few. One girl was partially crippled, I think her legs were eventually corrected, but initially she couldn't walk properly at all.
This girl in 2nd or 3rd grade elementary school would grind on the corner of her chair in class until she came. I remember it so clearly. She would move back and forth, round and round, until her body stiffened, her hands out in front of her resting on the edge of her desk, fingers bolt straight in a kind of contorted wave. I honestly thought she was going through convulsions. I had only ever seen something similar happen to my uncle who was epileptic.
I eventually found out (from the twin that I played with) that it was actually masturbation.

The other situation was when I was older. Still in elementary school, but in and around grade 5 or 6, I was 10 or 11. There was a girl who had some sort of family problem. Her sister had run off and got into drugs and possibly prostitution really young. I remember going to this girls house where she took me into a room in her basement. Her little white dog followed us and she shut the door behind us.
She told me to lay on the floor, she put a blanket over me, and then she told me to take my pants and trousers off. I was confused. I got up and told her I didn't want to. She insisted and when I refused, she got down on the floor, covered herself with the blanket and took off her jeans and panties.
Then she did something I wasn't expecting. She whistled for the dog. I could hear her slapping a part of her body, and she lifted the blanket so the dog could get under. She was in ecstasy. Her whole body shook. I don't remember when or whether she came. But she then directed me to do the same. I wasn't convinced about the whole thing. But I did. I tried it. She explained how to call the dog. And sure enough it crawled under the blanket and started licking at my pussy.
Honestly speaking, it was amazing to me at the time. I'd never felt anyone's tongue on me. I knew it was wrong and quickly stood up and got dressed, found an excuse and left her place.

I still wonder where she learned the trick. I'm assuming from her sister. I think there were serious problems in that family. This same friend had a baby boy at the age of 15 and died of an overdose around the age of 26. A tragic story. But I still think about her and wonder what was going on for it to get that bad.

Winding down

That was nice.
I had a long chat with Rob. It has calmed me enough that I might be able to get my translation finished for my deadline on Monday (if A doesn't interfere when he gets home).

We talked about our fears. I'm not going back to read the Skype conversation, I want to save it for myself. But he is afraid of me, or better, he's afraid of failure. He says that talk is cheap. It's harder to act out on what has been said. He said that we'd need wine to loosen up. I said that no one said it had to be the same as our chats. It would be a totally different experience.
I told him that I'd plant my mouth on his next time I see him, that should loosen us up. He asked me to promise. So I did. I just wish I knew when it would be.
I told him that I am afraid of guilt, just not my guilt. He thought for a minute and answered that he wasn't afraid of that. I'm still not sure if deep down it's true for either of us. But on the surface I certainly don't care.

He told me that my brain turns him on, the look in my eyes, my smile, my body. I'm not sure he fully understands how much he makes me want him when he says things like that. If only I could jump through the screen.
I feel like I just need a taste, a kiss, a tongue, I want to see, feel and taste what it's like. I'm sure it wouldn't be enough. I'd just want more. I'm greedy.

He made a pendant for his girlfriend. He works well with his hands which is a real turn on for me. He wants to make one for me too. He also promised to send it to me by post along with a few other things he wants to send. Things that he thinks I'll like. I'd much rather receive them in person than by post. But by post is better than not at all so I didn't say anything.

I just wish he'd tell me to get my ass over there. I'd be there on the next (possible) flight over.

I've only ever met one other person this open and honest with me about everything, sex and feelings especially. And that I'm comfortable telling everything to. (I'll have to remember to write a post about him, my most important ex.)

Right. so more "Sex from the Past" to come. A promised HNT pic. Although I'm not in the mood right now I hope to be later this eve.

Where's the point of no return?

Maybe it's because my sister just left. Maybe it's because men can be so complicated sometimes. But I'm a complete mess. I hate arguing with A. A and I always argue hard when my sis is around. I'm not sure why, maybe jealousy. It's always emotionally charged beyond anything normal. Things get so contorted and twisted, just fucked up to the point that I can't figure anything out. It gets dingy and mucky and I try hard not to say things I might regret, but he doesn't. He says awful things that honestly hurt a lot. It's always the same argument too. We can't work it out, even after 11 years together. Today he told me that I must be really unhappy in the relationship.
Am I? I didn't think I was.

This is one of those rants that I should probably avoid on here. But then again I did start this to get stuff off my chest so I guess it comes with the territory.
Sorry