Saturday, August 1, 2009

Winding down

That was nice.
I had a long chat with Rob. It has calmed me enough that I might be able to get my translation finished for my deadline on Monday (if A doesn't interfere when he gets home).

We talked about our fears. I'm not going back to read the Skype conversation, I want to save it for myself. But he is afraid of me, or better, he's afraid of failure. He says that talk is cheap. It's harder to act out on what has been said. He said that we'd need wine to loosen up. I said that no one said it had to be the same as our chats. It would be a totally different experience.
I told him that I'd plant my mouth on his next time I see him, that should loosen us up. He asked me to promise. So I did. I just wish I knew when it would be.
I told him that I am afraid of guilt, just not my guilt. He thought for a minute and answered that he wasn't afraid of that. I'm still not sure if deep down it's true for either of us. But on the surface I certainly don't care.

He told me that my brain turns him on, the look in my eyes, my smile, my body. I'm not sure he fully understands how much he makes me want him when he says things like that. If only I could jump through the screen.
I feel like I just need a taste, a kiss, a tongue, I want to see, feel and taste what it's like. I'm sure it wouldn't be enough. I'd just want more. I'm greedy.

He made a pendant for his girlfriend. He works well with his hands which is a real turn on for me. He wants to make one for me too. He also promised to send it to me by post along with a few other things he wants to send. Things that he thinks I'll like. I'd much rather receive them in person than by post. But by post is better than not at all so I didn't say anything.

I just wish he'd tell me to get my ass over there. I'd be there on the next (possible) flight over.

I've only ever met one other person this open and honest with me about everything, sex and feelings especially. And that I'm comfortable telling everything to. (I'll have to remember to write a post about him, my most important ex.)

Right. so more "Sex from the Past" to come. A promised HNT pic. Although I'm not in the mood right now I hope to be later this eve.


Leonhart said...

This post probably gave me the clearest insight into the kind of relationship you and Rob have, and what you mean to each other.

Personally I think online relationships like this serve to fulfil a void created by real life relationships - but that's just my uninformed opinion, and armchair psychology talking! (Though it's no coincidence that your own relationship isn't sweeping you up like your online one.)

Cande said...

I totally agree about the void, there is definitely something missing. I wish I could pinpoin what it is.

My own relationship never did sweep me up. I wonder if that's what's missing.